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Original poster

Child maintenance

14 replies

CandyFIosss · 06/05/2021 21:32

So today I cancelled my child maintenance claim, it felt like the final tie to ex and we have no contact with him (totally his choice) so I just wanted to cut all connections with him. We was getting pennies anyway so it was never beneficial and made no difference to our lives. I was sick of seeing it coming into my account and just felt like a reminder of him, now I don’t have to have the monthly reminder. Has anyone else ever decided to just cancel it? Or not claim at all?

OP posts:
clpsmum · 16/05/2021 08:11

I wish I was in a financial position to do this tbh

alwayswrighty · 16/05/2021 08:14

No, I went the opposite way because I knew how much it would irk him. Think his final payment is the end of this year. Took him so long to cough up (cms had to get court order on his bank account) that the child he's paying for is 21.

He told me I'd never get the back child support he owed, so I made sure my son got every penny.

sittingonacornflake · 16/05/2021 08:21

I'd personally open a completely separate account for it to be paid into so I never saw it but at the end there would be a nice little sum for driving lessons or something.

cookiemonster5 · 16/05/2021 08:42

I cancelled mine a few years ago. It was a relief. It was so much stress chasing up the payments then not even getting the measly £7 a week I was meant to get for 2 kids. Then having to point out that he can't claim to earn less than £5 a week yet pay £5 a week off his arrears and still afford rent, food and all the rest because my case worker obviously couldn't do basic maths that 6 year olds can do!

He can face his kids if they want to see him and can explain to them why he didn't care and didn't want to fulfil his legal and moral responsibilities.

Original poster
CandyFIosss · 16/05/2021 18:15

Well I was only getting £7 a week for 4 children so we won’t miss it as it never paid for anything. They wrote of £700 debt but tbh I would have never saw it as he doesn’t work (don’t have to pay any arrears if you don’t work) I debated it for a long time and had advice about putting it into a separate account for emergencies etc but I never wanted to say wow I’m so grateful to ex for helping me out in an emergency or to saw your dad paid for your driving lessons etc It was definitely a relief to close it!

OP posts:
happytohavefoundyou · 20/05/2021 23:50

@CandyFIosss my ex paid twice ( first payment was £30 the next £60) not sure why.
It then went to £229.

Before that payment we had court for me to get a non mol. It was granted & he was advised to contact my dad for contact.

Instead he stop payment- July 2020 during a pandemic. In fact I got a holiday refund that got sent to him & he tried to keep it until I contacted the police.

It wasn't until December that they final got the support straight from his employer. Then he finally contacts them & says he's struggling.

So they lowered it a bit. I received nothing for months but they felt bad for him. A full time working police officer, he worked more not less during lockdown.
I then started getting NoID calls & random adds.

On 23rd of December I cancelled the claim.
Parents should support their child but the energy it takes, the stress he was creating in me I just couldn't. It wasn't worth it.
I am worse off financially but I haven't heard from him since.

Forcing him to do the bare minimum for our son was a constant reminder of the hideous person he is.

I am very happy with my decision

Original poster
CandyFIosss · 21/05/2021 11:04

So glad it’s not just me, honestly I hated seeing the £30 coming into my account each month, it was just a reminder how little he got away with. I listened to all the advice from people about putting it into a separate account etc but maintenance isn’t to save for a child till they are an adult, it’s to help with the cost of actually raising a child and since it wasn’t even doing that I thought you know what he can stick his money. If he saw the kids I would feel differently but as he doesn’t see them I don’t want to force him to pay for them.

OP posts:
Sunny4876 · 21/05/2021 11:09

Never gotten any as ex works off the books and claims disability Angry

UhtredRagnarson · 21/05/2021 11:18

It’s safer for my DC not to have the risk of their father trying for contact that he feels he’s “paying for” so when he stopped paying I didn’t pursue it. We are all much safer and happier without him involved in our lives. The fear of having to pay CM keeps him from trying for contact.

Original poster
CandyFIosss · 21/05/2021 11:53

Sunny4876

My ex is on disability benefits as well and has been for the last 5 years so that’s why we was only getting £7, he’s never going to get a job people kept saying he may get a job one day but after 5 years it was obvious that was never going to happen! They asked me if I wanted to keep it open with just his arrears but considering he doesn’t need to pay them if he is on benefits I told them not to bother!

OP posts:
justicefor · 29/08/2021 20:47

I think it is important to continue to claim what ever you can because firstly it is the principal and every parent should pay what they can. Secondly, if they have paid something and later you find out they 'earned' more you can contest and the CMS should back date it. There are far too many self employed parents 'cheating' the system and it needs to be stopped. The CMS need to change their policies as they don't work unless you have compliant parents or parents who are not self employed.

Original poster
CandyFIosss · 29/08/2021 23:27

He is not self employed he claims benefits I know he’s not self employed, I think it’s an insult personally which is why I cancelled. He’s strictly claiming benefits and has mental health issues so gets pip.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 29/08/2021 23:38

I'd love to be able to do this and the minute I'm in a position to do so, I will. My ex has used every trick available to avoid maintenance. He's now fucked off to Scotland with OW to live in a big house paid for by her. 700 miles from us. DS has a disability and I am a full time carer. He told Cafcass he didn't want to see DS anymore because I found out OW was being a cunt to my son. He chose her and her money. I too hate seeing that payment go in. It's a pathetic amount. I need it though. I hate him for putting me in this position. My son self harms and my life is difficult. I cannot wait to cut that tie. What is it with these fucking men and financially abusing their own flesh and blood. I'll never understand it Angry

Kihanxxxx · 30/08/2021 20:16

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