Shocking admition from my daughter!

[Cirmhor13]

My dd (22) recently revealed to me that her biological mum (my ex, yes im trans) was really horrible to her and her brothers in my absence. I feel huge guilt that i did not pick up on this during our 24 yr relationship! I still care about my ex but this has really upset me. We still have a 14 yo ds that she hasnt seen in over a year because she spends all her time with her new bloke!
Should i cut all communication or try and stay civil in the hope she starts to care about the kids

I think the damage is done with regards to your ex’s relationship with her kids. Personally I would cut all unnecessary contact given that she hasn’t seen her 14 year old in a year. That alone would be enough to make me stop contact 2bh.

What communication do you currently have? I would say you need to not burn any bridges for your dc sake, but be lead by dc and support their wishes if their mum wants contact again. How does your 14yo feel about not having seen her for so long?

Why were you absent?
Why do you know so little about your DC?
Why are you so uninvolved?
Why do you think stopping communicating with the mother of your children would improve anything?

You cannot make someone care
you are responsible for your behaviour only

Is DS 14 living with you full time? If so why do you need any contact with your ex?

Does your 14yo (and any other minor children you may have) want to see her? That's the only thing that matters here.

Counselling for your guilt. Civil contact because it is always better not to have conflict if you can.