5 yr old says he wants a dad

[Leela11]

I am a single mum and my 5 year old son is saying he wants a dad. His father left me when I was 8 months pregnant for someone else and wants nothing to do with us.
What do I tell my son without hurting him or damaging him. He is young I feel he is too small to understand. I tell him there are different families some foster/some with only a dad/some with only a mum/grandparents but he still has been saying I want a daddy for about 2 days hope it will stop.
I said to him be happy with the family you have as not all dads/mums are nice but you are lucky to have lovely mummy and I'm lucky to have a lovely son

Any advice anyone?

Even though his dad isn’t around does he have any male role models? A grandparent maybe or an uncle? Perhaps he just wants to do things you might do with a dad rather than specifically wanting a dad so to speak.

It's a phase, my ds did the same around that age. I said "you've already got a dad, everyone has a dad....but yours doesnt live with us". I left it at that.
He's 10 now and not interested in his dad at all, given he's never been around. He tells me I'm his mum and his dad

Oh and having his uncle and grandad around definitely helps...so try that if you have another role model as the previous poster suggested

Yes he does he has my dad who we actually live with and my sister and her boyfriend are big part of his life too.

They are a big part of his life. I really thought my dad his grandad would fill the void

You are right to avoid hurting his feelings. His Dad has a lot to answer for. Bastard.
I think that you sound a lovely sensitive Mum and he has everything he needs, with your Dad and friends and family around sharing the love.

@Valhalla17 has a great suggestion with what to say.
It is OK to be honest, but it is equally important to parent and speak of the situation with warmth and consideration for his five year old son’s well-being.

You sound like you have the perfect family despite the bumpy start with the absent father. Keep looking after yourself, health and well-being wise in every way you can and you will continue to be an amazing role model.

This means alot thank you!

Every so often I get a I want a Dad. He’s a bit older so I say it’s ok to have that wish and that there may well be things a dad might do that I don’t. But then not all dads are like the dream dad he’s got in his mind so maybe they wouldn’t. It’s usually about stuff to do with playing on the console or sports which i don’t enjoy. Fair enough but I can’t do anything about it and he has a good life otherwise. It comes in phases but never lasts long

My daughter was like this but much older (she was 9 when it started) she became fixated with wanting a dad, use to beg me to get a boyfriend so she could “have a dad” (not gonna happen) use to call all the male teachers at school “school dad” sometimes she would be crying when I came to pick her up because she doesn’t have a dad, use to ask me to marry her teacher (became worse when she got a male teacher) it was awful and sounds bad but it was really embarrassing. She has autism so couldn’t understand when explained to her. Thankfully she’s stopped now but she does sometimes say “I don’t have a dad” just randomly

Ahh must of been tough, glad you are through it now. It does hurt me when he says I want a dad but I'm sure it hurts him more or will do as he gets older

I hope this phase goes soon but I'm sure will pop up again later in life

I think it’s because my daughter is not use to being around men, we have no male role models, I have my dad but we don’t live near each other so I don’t see him much at all. No other men around so when she got a male teacher she became fixated with him. It was very sad ☹️ luckily your son has some male role models that’s a positive and hopefully it helps him as he gets older

Thanks. He has stopped saying it now but I'm sure will prop up again from time to time. I feel better talking to everyone on here

Biggest thing is to acknowledge his feelings without diminishing them or trying to solve them. So don’t immediately reply with how much better off he is, how he has your father etc but instead just give him a hug and say ‘I know you feel sad about this and I’m sorry, I’m always here to talk’ or something like that.

Definitely talk to him about what it is he thinks having a dad could bring- then you can help ensure he has those things. Or you can see what’s in his wee head about it all. I’d also say he does have a dad but that his dad doesn’t live with him and some families are different like that. It’s a bloody shame it really is. What a bellend your ex is.

This is a really good suggestion. Thanks! I will definitely ask him what having a dad could bring and whatever he feels hes lacking I can help do something about it

I will thanks

We have a great book called The family book by Todd parr. We read it together a lot when my children were your kid’ s age and sometimes read it in bed still as it’s familiar. It is colourful and talks about all sort of families. We had fun thinking of the people on each page. - big Family / that’s like auntie Kate. Noisy family that’s like number 6. When we get to the one parent family page the kids v excited - that’s like us!!! It helps to have the conversation and not let them bottle it up. Like a previous poster said. It’s important to acknowledge and validate his feelings without projecting any of your own mixed emotion on top. Hard I know.