Quick advice please - court today

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Hi all

Ive first court hearing today re ds who is 4. His dad & i are divorced, he declined mediation & now in court. Exh works fri/sat/sun I'm not privy to any flexibility in hours etc I work mon - fri & can flex my hours around childcare. Current arrangement ds with me thurs night - sun exh collects around 1900 sun, then with me tues night. Had this arrangement since split. Exh wants ds from sun night to thurs.
School is walking distance from my home, 45mins to an hour from exh. Cafcass recomended third party handover which i would prefer too (this is due to exh behaviour towards me - history of control, bullying & emotional abuse).
I dont think that exh proposal is best for ds & would ideally like him to have some weekend time with him - not just put to bed. My solicitor has put my case of ds living with me through week & one week night & alt weekends with exh - this is my preference & i think best for ds. However, with reality of it im thinking about offering exh mon/tues/weds nights with handover through school, if he cant facilitate weekend contact. Do i offer this now & stop the court process? Im worried about spending thousands & having this as the outcome. Or do i continue with the process & hope for a better outcome for ds? Im do conflicted, i love ds so much & want him to have quality time with us both.
Anyone have any advice please?

Anyone?

My quick answer would be that you should go through the process even if you want the outcome that may be reached as a legal ruling will be worth its weight in gold if your xh decides to start playing silly buggers down the line.
You need some weekend time too, you have to organise childcare on your days, he can on his.
Hope it goes ok

Every other weekend and a night in the week is pretty standard...but I can see no reason why you can't offer mid week nights based on your work schedules.
It's good to try and come to agreement before court, but make sure any agreement is formalised by the judge- and you may find is ex is refusing mediation then they will want to take it all the way.

Do you need a solicitor? Self rep can cut the costs hugely.

If your ex gets gets him sun night to weds night he gets 4 nights per eeek and swings to resident carer (and no maintenance payed!). Let the court case go ahead and get it all defined.

Thanks all, i appreciate responses.

Exh currently pays no maintainence & i send across half cbh money - this is due to threats he has made & i dont want to get into it here.

Im using solicitor as i would just give in to his demands & im struggling to see what is best for ds.

I do need a court order as he has changed plans on a whim in the past & doesnt communicate with me.

Thank you all again.

Personally, I think if your work schedules are as you state that your suggestion of him having monday after school-thursday morning is best. That means school is always the drop off. You both get to work around your jobs. I understand you want them to have some more quality weekend time together but if your ex is going to be at work then they won't get quality time together. They will however, be able to get it in the school holidays. Make sure to discuss school holidays and son's birthday and Christmas so that nothing creeps up which causes animosity.

Do you have family nearby who can babysit for you so that you can meet up with friends occasionally on a weekend? If not, I guess you could always say that once a month, you'd like for him to have some weekend time with your son so that he can take holiday and you can have the ability to meet friends on a weekend.

Hope that all made sense