Parenting with my ex

[Anonymousmumma]

My ex who sees his 4 year old son frequently appears to do as he wishes . If he decides his hair needs trimming (usually wonky ) he will just do it and not say anything until my son is home and I end up having to question him what happened. We agreed ages ago that because the salon I took him to messed it up if he didn’t like what I did he can sort it out . Low and behold daddy’s covid cuts were awful and even one from what must have been a blind barber last summer . He also often tells me things and doesn’t ask which I don’t feel is fair as the other parent , like when he is taking his son away - he doesn’t ask he just tells me we are away then. If I ask for him to help with childcare during holidays etc he tells me it’s my issue and will pick / choose what days he wants to take as annual leave .

He sticks to the agreed days he has him at the weekends which is one good thing .

Forgive me for being stupid , but surely it’s out of politeness that even with an ex , co parenting is when you communicate and ask the other person when it comes to the child?

Do you tell him everything you do before you do it with your child?

I don’t do with everything but I try to keep him in the loop with things that I feel is relevant

Yes, I think there are things that he should causally keep you in the loop about, especially if he is taking him away somewhere.
Does he not tell you out of spite / lack of care. Or is it just that he doesn't think and if you said something he would make more of an effort?

I don't agree that he picks and chooses when he helps over the holidays. Again, what's his justification?

Dh has a court order for dsd and if its on his days in this country he doesn't have to tell his ex where we're going or anything
If abroad 2m notice. And she is to give passport 2 weeks prior no later.

When once we got her hair cut about 4 years ago as a toy tangled badly in it. His ex flipped her lid. Ans brought it up in court. Again was told neither have to ask permission for stuff or even notify as both are parents. Same with piercings or going to see a gp or anything.
She made such a song and dance he ended up with more time with dsd than he even requested

I get it's hard as I have hassle off my ds father over the years but it's a case of pick your battles. If your son is safe and happy. then that's all that matters.

Why would he tell you before he gives his child a hair cut! Be reasonable.

You don't own the child, it is his child too.