'i miss daddy'

[kshaw]

Me and husband split up nearly a year ago, I moved back to my mum's as though the split was temporary, he bought a house (took about 9 months to go through) and I've moved back into our rented house and he's moved into his own house. So a lot of change We do roughly 50/50 care.
My dd who turns 4 this week is virtually constantly saying 'i miss daddy' as soon as she has a minute of down time or isn't being constantly entertained.
My standard answers have become 'youll be seeing him in x days' or 'that means when you see him you'll be really excited'.
I'm trying not to ask her how she is as much as this is becoming the standard response. Me and my ex are not on friendly terms so I can't ask if she's the same with him.
We've made some heart key rings, one for her to hold when she's missing me and one to hold when missing daddy ...even though currently with me not put mine down so I'm fresh out of ideas - does anyone have any advice?
Sorry that's so long!

Could she FaceTime him?

You have my sympathy. I've had a similar thing. It will pass but is hard at the time.

One thing that made me feel a bit better about it was that she's obviously very secure in her relationship with you and that's why her focus is on her dad.

I know it feels rubbish but it sounds like you're doing a great job.

She facetimes every night before bed as she does with me when she's at his.
I think at the first I made a big fuss of her when she said it so it's now the go to to get some attention, I don't think she's actually missing him tbh but using it as an attention thing. I just can't tell her not to say it or say anything negative about it so I'm stuck in responses and to be completely honest I'm getting quite bored of hearing it!

I've had the exact same thing @kshaw

It's sooo hard!

For a while I was completely over compensating and making a massive fuss when my DD said it.
Don't get me wrong, some of the time it was genuine but she learned it got her attention and played to it!

Got to the stage that everytime she was asked to do something...tidy her room....brush her teeth...do homework....it turned into "I miss my daddy"

She's 6 now and a lot better but I just had to stop giving her attention for it, unless it was genuine which was only the odd time!

It actually got to the point I'd call her bluff and say "go and put your shoes on and I'll check if he's at home or work and if he's home you can go..." Never got any further than that as suddenly she was happy to stay 😂

Only other advice is that I had a big sit down chat with her one day and said if she's genuinely sad and missing him she can always talk to me BUT if she just feels like she wants a cuddle or some extra attention to come and ask for that instead of saying it was cos she missed her dad.

It's hard cos it's so tough on them, especially after going through a lot of change but it doesn't take them long to learn how to play it to their advantage!

Thanks, I don't think she would understand the chat yet, it would be so negative to her. I will just stop giving the attention unless it seems genuine. So hard though!

It is a huge upheaval for a child of that age when her parents break up. The child usually goes from living with two parents to living with the mother. Take into account that her mind is very young, so it is a huge change for her.

My parents divorced when I was 5, and I missed my father terribly. My mother said that I cried hysterically for a year, saying "I miss Daddy". I remember missing him so much, that it was terrible emotional pain. Even now, as an adult, I feel that was the worst emotional pain that I have ever been through - leaving my father as a child. It is like the worst heartbreak,

Have you sat her down and explained to her what is going on - that both parents love her very much, just the same as they used to, that Daddy doesnt hate her, (children commonly blame themselves), and that she will have much love and hugs , just now in two different houses. Explain to her carefully - when she will be with you, and when she will see Dad.

That will help her a lot.

Yeh I've chatted to her many times.about how we both love her etc. I have tried putting a positive spin on it by explaining how happy she will be when she sees him etc. It's just hard hearing it all the time when I don't think she actually means it

@kshaw she does mean it. At that age they miss the other parent terribly. I remember being aged 5 and thinking about my father all the time, it was a constant terrible ache in my heart.I literally felt it all the time that I wasn't with him

And she will miss you badly when she is with him. Children are very attached to both their parents emotionally. Maybe she could call him more than once a day? Or send him messages