We went through the whole horrific court process four years ago. My barrister/ solicitors at the time advised me to show willingness to work with ex even though it was clear at that point that he’d not be able to have dc as much as he was insisting on. His employer at the time declined flexi working, then he was sacked for something unrelated. He soon after became self employed but is currently “unemployed” right now.
So we agreed on EOW with two nights mid week. He has ALL half terms bar one. Christmas, Easter and summer are shared with him having a 3/4.
In practice mid week contact is sporadic and he will only do one night per week, if that. He will pick and choose days which will alternate, I then have to cover child care or pay after school club or a nanny to collect dc. It impacts dc as I can’t book clubs on certain nights as he won’t take them either. He’s now refused to collect dc from school 20 minutes away but expects to collect them from my house.
This Easter is much like previous ones, we are hoping to be away for a week, he’s having one 10 day period in 27 days, I’ve requested that he take dc for another full week but he’s refused.
For longer holidays he usually insists on a 4/5 day schedule, with him having them mainly over the weekends knowing it impacts on my ability to work, as I have to drive 300 miles to work only to drive all the way back before driving another 300 miles back to work. Summer holidays again he’s meant to have them the majority of the summer bar 10 days in late august which I ring fenced but he won’t like previous years. This schedule was devised because he was insistent he wanted 50/50 despite showing little interest whilst married, however the distance between us made it unworkable.
So now we’re in a situation where I’m offering him all this time with dc but he refuses to take it. Unless it’s on his terms knowing full well that I have to make and fund alternate child care arrangements when he refuses. Equally I know cannot force him to have dc nor would I want to. It’s so frustrating that I have to bend over backwards to accommodate him. I wish he’d just sod off and leave me to it rather than be a constant pain in the arse! Gah