I am so upset.
Following on from my thread last week about my DD3, I'm now being blamed for her bad upbringing by her dad, my ex husband.
A bit of background here. I have 4 children, the oldest 3 were born while I was in a loveless, toxic and abusive relationship with my ex husband, their dad. We brought them up jointly until I left him when we had our 4 child, DD3. For 11 years, I've brought them up on my own with very little input from her dad and zero child maintenance. It's been a whole different ball game bringing up the youngest in a one parent family but I'm doing my best. The issue is that since DD3 doesn't have that relationship with her dad and her gran (the other 3 are very close to both) the ex takes great offence at her for not wanting to go to their house to visit (this is all prior to Covid) and even now doesn't have that relationship where she'd like to spend the weekend there. My ex blames me for this. This may sound strange but I remember when she was about 6-7 she refused to meet her gran as she said old people scare her. She's not even close to my own mother and although I'm a bit hurt, she makes an effort as my mum is a regular visitor as she was in our 'bubble' . I brushed off this comment as I thought it's something she'll grow out of. Fast forward these few years and while DD3 has never heard or seen me and her dad arguing, she knows that we both do not like each other. I have encouraged her to meet him when he visits the children (outside in his car) but sometimes she just doesn't want to and I don't want to force her. This is where I'm hurt. Since he hates me, he sees those traits in my youngest. He even sees these traits in my eldest DD1 but he has a relationship with her. He hates me and sees me in our daughter. He's accused me of doing a bad job of being a mum to her and I'm livid. I've struggled with limited resources and mental health issues but am getting stronger and for him to say this to my other kids when they met yesterday had really destroyed me.
Yes, I agree that kids have their own issues and they play up, be rude and naughty etc but why is my parenting being judged? Last night the ex dropped off the two eldest and normally he asks to send their sister out so he can see her. Last night he didn't bother. It's her birthday next Thursday and since the house is strained with the issues I've had with DD3 (see my recent post) I'm very pained to see what's going to happen on that day. Nevertheless I'm determined to give her a good birthday, with or without her dad's input.