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Original poster

my ex and my ds

9 replies

mandajane2004 · 29/10/2004 17:48

My ex has hardly really seen his son since he was born...ok he pops in if his work brings him this way but the last time he made the effort to spend any length of time with him was June.He never gets him birthday/xmas cards or presents (not that that is the most important thing in the world) and pays me no maitenance for our son.I phoned him the other night after he had arranged to come and spend the weekend here with our son and he said he wants to take ds out...he doesnt understand why I am wary of this.I have no idea where he lives etc and ds has only recently come off oxygen.Am I being out of order by saying that he needs to see him with me on a regular basis before I will let him take ds out alone.by the way ds is 2yrs 6months and going throught that clingy mummy stage at the moment!!Your thoughts would be appreciated. xx

OP posts:
Original poster
mandajane2004 · 29/10/2004 17:50

oh and when he arranges to come and see ds he rarely turns up.He is now married with an 18 month old daughter..will let you do the maths on that one.My ds was born at 27 weeks and I am lucky he is still here.hence me being maybe overprotective

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tammybear · 29/10/2004 17:51

you're completely right. im the same with exp, he sees dd every so often (suppose to be coming on sunday) but i wont let him have her at his. i dont mind him going to the park with her but thats only cos his parents are with him. you do what makes you feel comfortable, your ex cant force you to do anything. xxx

Original poster
mandajane2004 · 29/10/2004 17:53

thanks tammy...I dont want to stop him seeing ds in fact the opposite I want ds to have a relationship with his father and decide for himself that his father is a waste of space.But he seems to think that he is entitled to see him oh and bring his daughter with him so they can meet!!I dont think it is fair on ds to have to share him on the few occasions that he does turn up not til he understand who she is and at the moment he doesnt grrr at my exp

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subs · 29/10/2004 17:53

god no - he needs to make regukar contact and prove he can be reliable, not just for your sanity but for your son's... far more stressful for him to occasionally be taken away from you

why are they like this?

logic · 29/10/2004 17:56

mandajane2004, I'm not in the same situation as you but personally I wouldn't let him take ds out alone. You are right to be cautious, especially as you can't trace him!

tammybear · 29/10/2004 17:56

im just the same. i want dd to know who exp is (as much of a b***d that he is!) and i have never stopped him seeing her. but i do stress that if he wants more responsibility than he has to be responsible ie regular contact, paying me what he should, etc. they dont seem to understand that we spend nearly every day with our kids when they just wonder in when they feel like it, and dont understand how hard it is for us to let our little treasures spend time with their lame excuse of a father (no offence to those dads that actually make the effort!)

Original poster
mandajane2004 · 29/10/2004 17:57

I should've known what would happen as he has 2 kids from a previous relationship.Unfortunately their mum is a druggie and so who knows where they are now which is a shame cos they lovely boys.He is supposed to be coming down tomorrow night but I havent told ds so he doesnt get upset.my exp seems to forget that its me picking up the pieces when he doesnt turn up.No wonder my ds calls my brother daddy...its what his cousin calls him isnt it lol and he probably sees his uncle more than his daddy anyway

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Original poster
mandajane2004 · 29/10/2004 17:59

Thats the frustrating thing.My mate (male) has a little boy who is almost a year.He gets to see him as often as possible..over 200 miles separate them...he pays his way and talks constantly about his little boy.What a difference hey!!There are men out there who want nothing more than to spend time with their kids...think I was unlucky hey

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pixiefish · 29/10/2004 18:01

You're not being in the least bit unreasonable. Your ds needs to get to know this man before he can left alone with him

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