Long distance dad- What would you do?

[Welikebeingcosy]

I don't want to be with my daughter's father and he lives in the states where she was born and where he is from. Neither of us can afford to travel regularly to ensure they have the relationship and if he came here for a long stay he would have to stay with me which I don't want, because it would confuse her, and I couldn't live out there full term because it is so expensive.
Does anyone have a similar experience or any ideas I haven't thought of.
And no, there is no way I'm putting her on a plane one day to go and stay with him for the summer etc, as a lawyer suggested.

how old is she?

facetime? holidays every other year? letters? pictures? emails?

or you need to live there/him here -id go for the above options for contact really

unless he wants to walk away and im missing the point?

Thanks for responding @GettingItOutThere

Actually he wants to be completely involved and might not see the occasional holiday as enough.

Holidays there would be so expensive as if have to pay for mine and hers flights and accomodation as I can't see him ever affording something like that. He is 45 and an ex felon so his work options are limited.

I just don't have the energy for pictures letters and daily facetimes even though that's what he wants. Does that sound harsh? I'd like him to be involved but not having to give my life away to give him that chance.

She's 21 months

You are in different countries so not a lot to be done.

When she is this little weekly facetimes, and then one year he comes to you for 2 weeks, you to him the following year - if you can both afford it. Agree re not staying with each other - air bnb. When she is older facetime twice a week - by the time she's a teen it's up to her.

That's all you can do. Who is the lawyer!? kids can't fly alone till they are 16 on most airlines these days. A few still allow 14.

@Welikebeingcosy

Thanks for responding *@GettingItOutThere*

Actually he wants to be completely involved and might not see the occasional holiday as enough.

Holidays there would be so expensive as if have to pay for mine and hers flights and accomodation as I can't see him ever affording something like that. He is 45 and an ex felon so his work options are limited.

I just don't have the energy for pictures letters and daily facetimes even though that's what he wants. Does that sound harsh? I'd like him to be involved but not having to give my life away to give him that chance.

hes a felon, so can he even come into the UK?

weekly facetime for me would be adequate at a young age. when she gets older mabey twice a week?

letters/photos once a month mabey too? Dont set really high expectations while shes still young, they are just not interested. Photos over facetime is far more engraining to be honest.

thats what i would do anyhow, hope that helps somewhat!

oh btw i would be VERY careful going over with her, im sorry i see the worst in everyone especially with these situations.

He could try to stop you/her leaving etc - again sorry be careful! Facetime/letters or even emails really to keep it more modern and quicker?!

In a similar situation, but the dad is in a diff country. We do a weekly video call, and I send photos and updates of milestones over facebook. I dont find it takes up much time, but I love taking photos of my DC. When older I plan on yearly visits with me present, but the UK is my DCs place of ordinary residence and I'm the only legal parent so I've no worries about abduction. I also plan on us staying in an air b and b.

Yeah same I don't have that worry as I'm the only parent on birth certificate.

He can come to the UK as a tourist, it would just be harder for him to apply for a visa if he wanted to live here.

Daily FT is too much but if you upload your photos to an online service and grant him access, he can view pics of her which is much easier than picking photos and thinking of an appropriate message to accompany pics.