Widowed parents

[Etotheipiplus1equals0]

Is there a section for lone parents whose spouse has died?

@Etotheipiplus1equals0

I don't think so. There is bereavement forum. There's also a relationships forum, and I'm sure people wouldn't object to you posting there, as a lot of traffic passes through it.

I hope you are okay?

@Etotheipiplus1equals0 hi, I’m in the same situation, how are things going for you? It’s such an awful, awful thing to happen. I make sure I get as much support as I need from family and get a break from my daughter when I can. Make sure you look after yourself

Have you heard of the peer to peer support charity WAY Widowed and Young, they have a forum for Widowed parents. It's a lovely supportive group.

Thanks everyone. I have signed up for WAY.
I’m struggling to be honest. It’s only been a few days. But on top of the overwhelming grief I have such fear about bringing the kids up by myself. We have a lot of support and I am leaning on people but we will need to find our way through as a 3.
I know being a separated parent has it’s own difficulties but it feels like these are a bit different from the posts on this forum.

There are quite a few of us about, in various stages of life.

WAY was a lifeline for me in the first year.

I am a widowed parent. It's not easy, especially when divorced single parents compare their situation to mine. I know that's a difficult situation too, it's not a race to the bottom etc etc - but there is no time off and no-one to make the decisions with. Plus the kids are grieving too.
I have found WAY to be very helpful, everyone gets it.
Very early days though for you, just one step at a time. I really am very sorry for your loss.

Yes I feel overwhelmed by responsibility. He would hate that his death was causing us trauma. I need to mitigate against those affects for the children as much as I possibly can. They witnessed stuff that would be traumatic for an adult to see happen to a stranger let alone to see it as a child and it’s your own dad.
Their schools have plans to help them. I just need to find a way to stay as mentally and physically strong as I can to get them through.

I a widow with two DC.

Widowed and Young is a great source of support, and there is also a sub group of WAY called Widowed with Children, which I find very helpful.

Did anyone here ask their children if they wanted to see the body before the funeral? I can’t decide if I should or not. I just want to protect them but it might help them to see him one last time- or it could just add more trauma. He will be cremated.

I can’t ask on way yet as I have to wait for sigh in details.

I didn't go to see DH's body myself and didn't ask my DC if they wanted to (I knew they wouldn't). I sat with him for 12 hours before he died and was with him when he took his last breath. I had no need to see his body again after that, and I didn't feel that the children needed to either.

I don't regret my decision at all, but everyone feels very differently about these things and there is no right or wrong, just whatever you feel is best for you and your DC.

I hope your WAY application gets processed quickly. When it does, I find the Facebook group and sub-groups much better than the website forum.

I was with DH for the days and hours before he died.
My dcs (not his) weren't at the house when he died, and when they came home I asked if they wanted to see him - which they did, but he had only died a couple of hours before.
I went to see him at the funeral directors, but didn't ask dcs if they wanted to. I'm glad I did, he was no longer DH, just his body, and that helped with letting go at the funeral.

Thank you. They saw me doing cpr on him and then a neighbour whisked them away. I did see him when they said there was no more they could do - he still had the machine pumping on his chest and I said goodbye. Then I saw him again before the undertakers took him away. But they weren’t there for that. Would it help them to understand maybe? I just don’t know...

What age are your kids?

I saw my mum after she passed when I was 10. I'm glad I did. That was in the hospital though.

My dad died in an accident a few years later, and I didn't see him, as I was warned he wouldn't look as I remembered. I don't feel any regrets.

I'm so sorry, OP. That sounds so traumatic. I hope you have someone looking after you?

My kids didn't see my husband at the funeral home. One wanted to but I said no after I'd been to see him. He really didn't look very good and I know he wouldn't want that as their last memory. But it depends on the age of the kids and how much they want to see him. The children also saw CPR, paramedics etc.

My DH died at home about 5 weeks ago, I went to the funeral home to see him and once I'd seen how peaceful he looked I went back with my DS (he's 18 but has ASD so is really about 12) .

Hi, Im a widow with 3 DC all girls. Its been almost 5 years and I still find it difficult. I spoke with mine about seeing DH when he was laid out. Oldest DD now 17 was 12 and she refused and has absolutely no regrets, middle DD now 13 was 8 and youngest was 3. Neither have any memories of seeing him. So it seems to have worked out. I felt giving them the option was the right thing to do. X

Thanks everyone. They’re only 6 and 9.

How are you getting on OP? Those early days are so hard and so raw. Thinking of you. I'm hoping WAY is up and running for you now. The Facebook groups are really active x

I'm so sorry for the loss of your DH.
I'd suggest asking the funeral directors to guide you. When my DH died he was at home after a long illness. Both our DC saw his body. My MIL wanted to see his body in the chapel of rest. I asked the funeral director and she advised against it. But this was different as my DH had been very unwell and lost lots of weight. In your situation it might help your DC to see him at peace?
One thing I did, which the funeral directors suggested, was have photos taken at the funeral. My friend made two lovely photo books, one for each child. My youngest was 6 when his Dad died, he has looked at that book so much.
Thinking of you.