Dad not following lockdown rules.

[Sarahsworldart]

My 10 year old son stays with his dad every other weekend and during the first lockdown I decided it was safer for him to remain with me until it was over. During this present lockdown he has been staying there but has been informing me that his dad has been having people over at the house both family and non family members. This weekend I received a text message from my son telling me that he had several members of his family over at the house and that he wanted me to pick him up immediately because he was upset and worried. I messaged his dad and asked why my son wanted to go home, given him the opportunity to explain, however he just said that he hadn't said anything to him and that he was fine and happy. I decided not to pick him up but to confront him about the situation when he returned home and he said if was none of my business to which I said that it was when it concerns the safety and health risk of my son. I should add that after I sent the message to his dad asking why he wanted to come home, he confiscated my son's phone, read all the messages between us, then proceeded to delete his messenger account and didn't give his phone back to him until just before he came home. This left my son angry and upset and not being able to contact me. I am not sure whether to let him go over there the week after next as I know he will continue to blatantly contravene lockdown rules and this worries my son who is confused because he understands the dangers etc. I tried asking again why he is doing to his but he just ignores my questions. I also don't know the law in this situation.

You have to keep your son and yourself safe. You do not have to send a child for contact if you think it is unsafe to do so. Keep all proof that the father isnt following Covid rules and that your son is unhappy too. Read this - www.judiciary.uk/announcements/coronavirus-crisis-guidance-on-compliance-with-family-court-child-arrangement-orders/ you will see that although children can pass between houses they dont have to. Courts are taking this very seriously and you are in the right. Offer video calls instead as you do have to adhere to the spirit of any family court orders. Apply for mediation which you will need to do any way to take the matter to court. Put it in writing to the father - in an email your concerns and what you have been told by your son and set out clearly the video call times. Contact a court mediation service and arrange for them to contact the father. Stick to your guns and don't ever succumb to gaslighting. I have direct experience of this situation and so know what I am talking about.

Thank you, the only proof I have is my son telling me via a message on messenger and sending me a photo of them all sitting together. I think he deleted his messenger thinking all the photos and messages would be deleted too but they are not my end. I don't have any proof of the previous times either, other than my son telling me and feeling anxious. He feels uncomfortable saying anything to him so remains silent, I asked why, he said he is scared of the response especially after what happened with his phone and not being able to contact me. He told me he ran and hid in the bathroom crying and then in his words he felt humiliated in front of all his family who shouldn't of been there anyway, as his dad shouted at him😞

I think with hindsight you should have just picked him up. Now he can't contact you this way and dad won't let him use his phone. No don't send him there he is scared and uncomfortable and he kn ows dad is breaking the law just say he is ill or has covid symptoms you should read the link and follow advice someone else shared but if you can't face it just lie but please don't force your son to go there when he is clearly unhappy a court solicitor or social worker or anyone official can surely see the reasons why he can't visit

I don't like the sounds of his dad and how he treats your son, but I also think it is a shame that your son is scared of getting covid. In my family we always wear masks when we are out and know to keep at a social distance but we aren't scared.

@Sarahsworldart

I would not let him go again
Period

I would be keeping him home too. The family is just as bad at going there as your ex for allowing them in.