Just split from dp. Lots of questions.

[GreedyGecko]

OK, the very quick story is...
I cheated on him. He found out a few weeks ago. We were trying to sort things, planned on going to Relate etc. On Weds it all kicked off culminating in him shutting a door on me and kicking me. Police round etc. He is now on bail. Conditions being he cannot contact me.

I have seen a solicitor and tbh he's just confused me so much more. Talking about injunctions, contact orders for the boys, him only seeing them at a contatc centre supervised by SS.

Have also been told that SS will be involved, although have had no contact from them. Is this true? What is likely to happen if they are? You hear and read so much scaremongering re SS that it's hard not to think rationally when you're told that. Things like 'Will they take my children away because my house isn't particularly tidy?!' WTF?! Now, I'm not stupid, and I know thats not going to happen, but still can't help having these ridiculous thoughts occasionally.

Finances. I'm sure this is something that gets every single parent raging but, I have been on entitledto.co.uk and have found that I would be so much better off not working & selling up and renting.

Your poor partner - give him a break he may have been in the wrong but i bet his emotions are all over the place he may not be thinking straight yet after the shock of your cheating.

Contact gingerbread as soon as they open otherwise you might not get through.

I found them to be my saving grace i told them that i wanted the situation where i would get the most money. I was running a childminding business that was doing ok but couldnt afford the mortgage on the house and everything else so shut it down. I made it clear that i was flexible on what i had to do but that the money was the most important thing not to keep in the job that i was in. I would have have been richer in term of benefits if i worked in tesco etc for slightly more money because of the hours so i found the situation then found the work.

I found the cab to be really patorising and not much help at all.

Good luck we are here for you if you need us.

Thanks jelly . I will get in touch with Gingerbread as soon as I'm back from school tomorrow.

Happywoman. "Your poor partner"????? I am covered in bruises & have scratches all the way down my back. I cannot work properly as I struggle to carry anything in my left hand due to the pain in my elbow when I grip anything and pain in my shoulder when holding anything heavy.

I am not excusing my actions. Never have done, never will do, but my boys did NOT need to have the s* scared out of them by seeing their father giving their mother a kicking. I understand he was angry/upset/confused/disgusted and I'm sure many other emotions on top of those - and rightly so - but violence was NOT the answer.

"give him a break" You've obviously misunderstood my OP. I don't want injunctions etc. I want to sort it all amicably, get bail conditions dropped but am being told that SS will have been informed of the situation by police and that if I request for bail conditions to be dropped and/or allow ds's to see him that they'll be round in a shot because it will be deemed I am putting them at risk. I want him to spend as much time with them as possible, i.e. every evening when he finishes work, every weekend. I (wrongly) thought a solicitor would be able to help, but just succeeded in confusing me and leaving me with more questions, and seemingly bigger problems than I first thought.

x-posts deepinlaundry. Sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds much worse than mine, fortunately only minor injuries for me that will have healed by the end of the week.

I can understand a little in my case why SS would have been informed as ds's were present at the time, although they were physically harmed in no way and like you this was the 1st time in 10 years we've been together that anything like this has happened. Hopefully SS will take the same action as they have done for you.

Good luck. I hope for you that the house is sold quickly and that you and your dcs can get on quickly once that is all through.

absolutely no reason for abuse in ANY circumstances... IMPO

Contact centres and all the other stuff (injunctions etc) sounds a lot scarier than it is - CCs aren't forever; they are until SS is satisfied that your ex's behaviour isn't "normal" or regular for him and then it will probably become contact every other weekend or whatever where he has them alone... I should imagine

SS may be involved only to oversee the behaviour isn't repeated/often - shouldn't imagine they would do much else but make sure that when the kids are with your ex, they are safe (not saying they aren't - you know that, I hope)

Keep us posted - we are a friendly bunch!!

HappyWoman, I have just read my reply to your post and it feels quite aggressive. It was not supposed to be, so I apologise if it does come across this way to you. It truly wasn't meant to be.

Thanks LewisFan, it just seems so cold. I'd be happy for him to have them with his brother or one of our mutual friends, but if SS do get involved and would prefer a CC then I guess we just have to go along with it, hopefully (if it does come to that) he can get his head round that and it won't be for long.