How do I stop feeling like this?

[Givemeabreak88]

I have 4 children and my ex is absent. I posted about him before. He doesn’t see or bother with the children at all. He will pop up once a year basically. He does no parenting, never taken them. Nothing. Pays pennies in cm. I just can’t stop feeling angry? How do I stop this? How do I stop feeling so angry, bitter and resentful?! I spend ages going over it in my mind. I think about it daily, Trying to understand why I’m in this situation. I get jealous and resentful of anyone that has an involved ex, if anyone mentions their ex having the kids etc I feel jealous. I don’t know how to make peace with it, I didn’t chose to have them alone, I didn’t want to do this all alone. He might as well be dead honestly. Not to mention how it’s messed up my kids. People say it doesn’t affect kids but I’ve seen first hand it does. They feel rejected. I feel guilty for giving them him as a father. How do you move past it and make peace with it? It’s been 4 years btw so time obviously isn’t the answer.

I remember your posts. I must say you have alot on being a single mum with 4 kids! I think of you had some sort of help or a break you wouldn't feel so resentful. I guess he is the one person who should be sharing the mental and physical load of children.
I know you said before no one will take 4 kids but have you looked into groups or day nursery, sorry I forgot the ages of your children. I know covid everything is limited atm but is there any activities open near you where you can put some of them? Or even a child minder for the youngest 2 and book in somewhere for the eldest?
I think you will stop being so resentful and angry when you get a well deserved break.
Sorry you are feeling like this.

I know family won't take all of them but what about if you spread them out with a couple of family members on the same day? So you have no kids for one day or at least for a few hours? What ages are they again, I think I remember you saying one is SEN sorry if that's wrong and I'm thinking of someone else.