Absent father what age to explain to dd

[Sweettea1]

Hi never posted before so sorry if been asked before or posted in wrong place. My dd 5 has never known her father his choice she does know her grandparents but has no idea they are actually her fathers parents. Dd when younger maybe 2/3 did ask a couple of times why she doesn't have a dad and as she was so young i would reply you don't need a dad you got me and she's always accepted that.However recently she has said on few occasions i wish i had a dad it breaks my heart. I explained some children don't have dads or mums and so on.she's getting a little older altho not old enough to fully understand. I am wondering when do I explain the situation how do you explain it? I just don't want her to feel hurt an abandoned by him but then if I tell her later she will feel betrayed or lied to by me.

I’m just a little bit confused why she doesn’t know that her grandparents are her fathers parents? What’s the reason for that? I think she should know as that way she knows at least if she doesn’t see her father she has some connection to that “side” my children’s father is Absent but his parents aren’t alive so I feel sad for my children having no connection to the other side of them. I go with “some people aren’t able to be dad” that’s my go to comment but the kids have accepted it now. They are still sad about it but not a lot you can do other than reassure them that you love them.

She has no idea they are his parents as he is never mentioned or spoken about. She just knows they are her granma an grandpa an has never questioned that. She only sees them for an hour a week pre covid little park trips or lunch out now it's a video call. I know she should know they are his parents but telling her that will then open up all kinds of questions. I just don't know when a good age would be for her.

My own dad left when I was 5 and I remember understanding what was going on so I think she's old enough to get a proper explanation.

I would’ve told her when she asked why she didn’t have a dad.
Alongside your explanation I would’ve told her who her grandparents are.
Waiting much longer will confuse & upset her.

I think that you should just answer all of her questions in a matter of fact and gentle way, so that she doesn’t feel it’s a big deal because it’s all she has ever known.

She does have a dad. You can tell her that he isn’t around and not everyone grows up in a household with their dads, or gets to see them, but she does have one.

Yes I know I should have told her when she asked but I guess I was just trying to protect her I don't want to upset her if I didn't have to. She doesn't dwell on it or ask alot it's just once in a blue moon. Next time she asks I will try explain without upsetting her.

Like I said I think it will only be beneficial for her to know they are her dads parents. That’s better than having no connection at all. It’s nice they’ve stepped up actually, many don’t. The longer you leave it the more upset she will be.