Sorry in advance for the long read!!
I’m looking for some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation.
I’m 23yrs old & currently 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby, a little girl. I had been with the father for a year and a half when I fell pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant both the father & I were happy (more so him than me). I was worried as our relationship was relatively new, long distance & I still stay at home with my parents. I’m self employed but due to the current pandemic unable to work. He has his own flat (166 miles away from where I stay). I was very unsure about allowing this pregnancy to continue, I mentioned a termination when I found out I was pregnant only because I didn’t feel either of us were financially ready for a child plus we didn’t have our own home together and I wasn’t ready to move to his place as it was too far from my family/job and I knew having a baby for the first time I’d need my family close by. He reassured me that this was the right time and that everything would be fine, he told me his plan was to do his flat up & get it on the market so we could buy or rent a wee home near where I stay. He was more than happy to move closer to me. He told me he was earning and his job had potential to be flexible with him moving closer to where I stay... I believed and trusted him, as you should be able to trust the person you are in a relationship with, especially when there is a baby on the way. It was hard for me to trust and rely on him but he constantly reassured me. This was all discussed in September when I found out I was pregnant. We had been looking at houses, speaking to agents, viewing houses, discussing where we were going to stay, planning our future.. he even told me his job was on board with him moving away. We even had a move out date in mind (January time). When I hit 20 weeks, the last week in December he decided to come clean and tell me he had pretty much been lying to me for the past 3 months about his finances. He had lost his job, he had started to do up his flat to get it on the market but had ran out of money so it wasn’t even liveable, he was back living with his parents, and had no money. Ultimately confessing he had been lying to me throughout my entire pregnancy. My problem is not that he lost his job, it’s the fact he lied to me and my parents for soooo long, 3 months is a long time in a pregnancy. And then just expected me to sort it out, after me telling him from the start how worried I was. I am now going to have to start my journey into motherhood living with my parents which was never the plan!! Not what my parents wanted either. It’s a lot to ask and put on them, he hasn't even once tried to reach out and speak to them. Keep in mind he was lying to them too. Obviously if I had knew this was going to happen or if he had told me his situation back in September we could of 1. -Got our heads together and worked something out or 2. -Been sensible and not allowed the pregnancy to continue. But he waited until I was 20 weeks pregnant!!
He didn’t come up with any plans or solutions to get us out of this awful situation. I always was honest with him about when I was and wasn’t working. I decided to end the relationship as I couldn’t trust him at all, not to mention we didn’t speak much through January and like I said he didn’t come up with any solutions to help us out this situation, he’s left me to prepare and get on with it myself. My Dad even gave him a FREE car as he was looking for a new one, he took it to get an m.o.t a few months back and my Dads just received an email saying the card which was used to pay for the m.o.t wasn’t authorised and had been declined!! So he didn’t even have enough money on his card for a £40 service!!! And my Dad has been left to pay it. I feel awful for my whole family, I feel I’ve brought this terrible lying person into our lives, he really had the wool pulled over all our eyes. I am now 28 weeks pregnant and have had to buy and prepare everything on my own for the arrival of this baby. I’ve had no help from him emotionally, physically or financially. He is extremely moody and tries to make everything about his feelings, he’s taken no responsibility for this life he is 50% responsible for creating. He even tried to blame me the last time we spoke!! Not to mention when I met him he was a full on stoner (I really don't know what the hell I was thinking). When I reflect on our relationship a lot makes sense now, I was clearly blind as I noticed he did lie a lot, white lies but they all add up. We are now in February and he has gotten in contact saying he wants to be as involved as possible in the child’s life. I am torn and not sure what to do. I’ve spoke to family and friends but everyone’s opinion is so different, I don’t know anyone who has been in a situation like this so I’m really unsure what the hell to do. Some say that a child needs a father, others say tell him to f**k off and that I’m better off without him. Once a liar always a liar. For me the relationship between him and I is completely over. But, I can’t be selfish, I need to think of my little girl who’s due in May. It’s been an awful pregnancy, I’ve not been able to enjoy the past couple of months due to severe stress, it’s not what I expected my first pregnancy to be like. Like I said I wouldn’t of continued with the pregnancy if I had known all this sooner:( I never wanted a broken up family.
I’ve bought and prepared everything, my parents are allowing me to stay at home, I don’t feel it’s fair leaving me and my family to prepare for the birth / arrival of this baby, him not lifting a finger to help but then thinking he can be apart of her life?? Do I tell him he needs to contribute if he wants to be involved or do I tell him to bugger off?! The distance is a problem too. I can’t have my child, who I plan on breastfeeding being taken 166 miles away from me to be with him. I’ve gotten some legal advice and they told me my best bet is to not register his name on the birth certificate. I’m so sorry for this long depressing bloody read, I hope someone can give me some advice.
Thanks! X