At what point does the NRP have to admit defeat?

[Dadhadenough]

This is long, sorry. High 5 if you reach the end!
Been separated from my ex for 8 years. DS is 11. Been in and out of court for years mainly because ex has habitually stopped contact for bs reasons or made contact extremely difficult to make happen.
Beginning of lockdown last year, she ceased all contact despite Government advice saying kids can go between parents and despite me being very careful and following all rules. Had to go through Court (again) with an enforcement application to reinstate contact, where DS was appointed a Guardian to represent his views. The Guardians report says DS is happy with both parents and was happy to return to normal contact plus an extra overnight on his weekends. Ex agreed to go back to contact in Order. This was 4 months ago.
Now, she’s saying if she can say no to contact she will (e.g if I’m a day late giving her notice of my days off to see son, 11 days ahead instead of 12) and now she’s saying DS doesn’t want to spend more than 3 nights with me over half term. She also requested to suspend midweek contact 2 weeks after the final hearing due to covid again, and and two weeks ago also asked that we suspend EOW due to covid.
Given than DS has told me she told him there would be a role reversal if he has any more overnights with me (live with me and only see his Mum on weekends) to scare him off, and he regularly tells me the negative things his Mum tells him about me, I find it very suspect that we have a Guardians report that is only 4 months old saying DS enjoys contact and wants normal contact and in fact an extra night on his weekends (to include sunday nights) to suddenly now contact being limited and DS claiming he wants less overnights. I have no doubt it is the Mother poisoning him against contact. We have a psychological report which is 5 years old saying she is controlling with contact and believes DS doesn’t need a strong relationship with me.
The Judge at our last case was very clear Mother wasn’t to stop contact due to covid again and wasn’t best pleased with her suggestions our son wouldn’t cope with spending more than 3 nights with me at a time, so if she breaks the order again or applied to vary I don’t think he will be happy with her.
But my question is with all this backstory, at what point does a NRP have to just give up? I’ve battled to maintain a relationship for the last 8 years despite her best efforts and I’m exhausted. DS phoned me today to say he wanted to only stay 2 nights over half term (so essentially the weekend and nothing extra). I feel this is coming from the Mother but I don’t want to upset him by saying as much. I just repeated that I had booked the time off and how much I was looking forward to seeing him and having fun with him. What else can I do? It’s a losing battle and I’m so tired.
Then I read threads on here of Mums sad that their children want to see their dad and the dads just can’t be bothered. My ex doesn’t seem to realise or care how rare her situation is (to have an ex who wants to be a Dad!)

keep going. it will be worth it. He will know you care about him.

dd will try to guess what I want her to want, even when there is no hidden agenda.It is hard work to get her to say things that she really wants. I often have to reassure her there is no right or wrong answer and that she is allowed to make a choice when she has been given one. maybe you can work on skills that will help him with peer pressure and other influences that might not be in his best interest without overtly referring to his mum trying to influence him in a bad way.

@Dadhadenough at the last hearing for enforcement did the judge not enforce any form of punishment (fines, unpaid work?)

But definitely do not give up as at least your son will know you tried whatever the outcome and will know you were always there.

From what I've read on these boards you have to keep getting the enforcement back to court as soon as there's an infringement. Although I note this has been going on a long time.

Hopefully the next time more affirmative action will be taken.

I would have to know what it is you fighting for first to answer if there is point of defeat.

If it your needs as parent - there yeah quit

But have you tried stepping into the shoes of your child?

You need to forget all the what’s going on in court, all the what you think or believe the other parent is doing, none of that shit matters to your child

Your child is caught in middle, he lives with his mum from you post she obviously doesn’t like you, you child knows that, I’m guessing you child is aware of your dislike for his mum....

Can you see your child’s view yet?

I mean you can give up, it mean your child wouldn’t be stuck in middle but you ever wonder from your child point what that says?

What do you plan on telling your child why you gave up? Blaming the other parent is crock of shit and no benefit to the child.

I’m sorry you going through shit to have access to your child but it’s a lot shitter for child in the middle of this.

I don't think you should ever give up but it's difficult to give much advice as it's not clear what you're fighting for, what the order says or what historic court action was about. It's also not clear why your son has a guardian - typically this is done when social services are involved and the child's interests need to be independently represented. What is the social services involvement that led to the guardian being appointed? What is the contact pattern per the order - is this what you are trying to have enforced?

It's clear there is a lot of animosity between you and his Mum & you hold her in very poor regard. Children hate this, are fully aware of it and it is incredibly damaging ( it doesn't matter who the instigator is to them - they are stuck in the middle). In respect of Covid - while it's possible your ex is using this as an excuse to stop contact, it is equally possible she has a valid concern. We are in a pandemic.. and while the government rules allow movement between parents homes, it is obviously risky (esp. if one parent is going into work etc).

I will never understand women who do this.

I go absolutely out of my way to accommodate my child’s dad. If he has unexpected time off work so asks for extra days at the last minute, if he needs to change days, it hugely benefits the child.

You shouldn’t give up difficult as it is. Your son is old enough that he will be fairly independent soon. He can contact you independently of his mum. I would maintain contact at all costs.

Never give up.

I often say this to women who post here but the same applies to you..

There is a complete difference between slagging a parent off and correcting untruths.

You can do it in a joke like way...or an off the cuff comment that doesn't require yours DS to comment and then feel he needs to pick sides.

I agree you don't need to give up in a couple of years he will be free to choose. He will know you cared.

You need to stick at it. I don’t think you ever can give up.
You also have to rise above it if she is speaking negatively about you to your child. Sometimes you can correct a lie but don’t dwell on things and put your child in the middle. I think long term it will harm the relationship between your son and his mother.
I often say to my DS don’t worry about what mom and dad want, tell me what do you want? I am trying to teach him boundaries and to express what he wants. Sometimes it’s not possible to give him everything he wants but it’s important he learns to express himself. Sometimes kids will tell parents what they think the parent wants to hear.
Be the calm, stable, reassuring parent OP that your child deserves.

Never give up. My kids are late teens now and their dad doesn't give a fuck, they know who's had their back. As your ds will see that you did everything you could to see him.

Would you be prepared to call her bluff and apply for primary residency?