I can't say this, can I?

[TheOrigRights]

My DS(11) is really struggling with the nearly complete rejection from his father. It's a long story.

He finds it upsetting when his friends talk about their Dads. That's just life and it's going to happen. Only in lockdown it feels so much worse. He'll be playing with his friends on Xbox and then they'll need to leave and say "Oh, I'm going to play football in the park with my Dad" or "I'm watching a film with my Dad".
These are good friends, they are under 12, they are absolutely NOT being cruel, they are just saying it how it is.

He'll then come off the xbox, storm upstairs beyond upset and angry.

I want to make it easier for him. The only way would be to ask the other parents to ask their sons to try and be a bit more mindful around DS and to explain a little why.

Obviously I want DS to be able to be open with his friends bit he is still at the stage where he wants to be like most of his friends. Even those who don't live with their Dads mostly do see them.

I can't do this, can I? It's really my problem to deal with I think, only I am so worn out. It's just me and DS. Me working full time, him remote learning. His emotional needs are exhausting me. He gets support from pastoral care at school and I have put a wellbeing referral in via the GP.

I can't make it better for him. I'm so resentful that more than 4 years after ex left he is still managing to make my life hell.

You can’t stop his mates talking about their dads, no. You can allow /encourage ds to talk about how he feels-it can feel counterintuitive to encourage airing negative, ‘ugly’ and painful emotions but they exist. It will help for him to scream and yell and flail about...

Trying to avoid the topic because it causes him pain won't work in the long run. He needs to get out how he feels & work through the pain of rejection. I'd suggest getting him a counsellor, I did as a last resort for my daughter and its slowly helping. The emotional turmoil she felt was beyond me - I used to be able to comfort the pain, but it got that I couldn't as she got older - there was too much anger mixed in with the pain. Took months to convince her to see one, but she's glad she did now.

Sadly, you can't make this easier and that's a hard thing to accept as a Mum. What you can do is help him help himself with a counsellor who can help him work through all this.

Thank you. To be clear, I do not avoid the subject with him, we talk about it as much as he wants. That's part of the issue, his xbox time is down time.

He's sleeping badly, is sad a lot of the time - like so many children right now of course. Without all the usual routines and distractions, small things become big things, and big things have become too much for him.

He is seeing his Dad for who he is and it's pretty devastating for a young lad.