Been around for ages, just changed name in case exh is lurking (he's been making some bizarre threats so just in case)
Two children, 6 and 5. Oldest has a bond with his Dad, youngest doesn't really care if he sees him or not (Exh left when I was pregnant with the youngest so never really properly bonded and DS knows it)
Contact used to be regular, eow but that was it, never anything extra or anything to help out if I needed it (he's never taken time off work if kids were ill for example and has a habit of buggering off for the entire summer holidays so I need to scramble for childcare at the last minute, that sort of thing)
Anyway, recently his mental health hasn't been great (he says), or possibly there's a personality disorder or he could just be a dick who just doesn't want to be a dad anymore. Regardless, about four weeks ago he claimed he couldn't have the kids on his own due to his medication making him unsafe to look after them unsupervised. He then said the next day that actually he would take them and he was also contacting a solicitor. Due to lots of other erratic behaviour and the fact that he told me he was unsafe I said he would need to be supervised until he could be cleared by a doctor to have them on his own. Since then I haven't heard a peep from him. Nothing from his solicitor either. I suspect the solicitor doesn't exist and it was an attempt to scare/bully me (history of controlling/abusive behaviour)
So...oldest child is now starting to ask when he'll be seeing Dad. He's autistic so needs to know routine and straightforward explanations etc. He also is very very anxious where his Dad is concerned, will often wake up crying that he's scared his Dad is ill or going to die (hence me posting at stupid o clock) and also says that if he 'glitches' he can't keep his Dad safe. It's concerning and means I have to tread carefully about any sort of mention of Dad being 'ill' or similar.
Youngest doesn't really care if he sees Dad again or not and has said so, he has told me that he would rather stay with me always than sleep at Daddy's so I suppose less of a concern with telling him but equally he's very little to be cutting contact completely!
So I'm a bit stuck as to what to say to them because the truth is I don't know myself. I don't know what their dad is planning, whether he's suddenly going to make contact or whether this is it and he's done. Due to the history of coercion and control I need to tread carefully with contacting him and asking about his plans because that could then easily become a game for him or he'll use it as a threat or similar. I don't want him doing that to the kids.
Sorry this is really long and convoluted, but any tips on what to say? Currently I'm going with 'Daddy is working on being able to have you and he knows that I will keep you very safe in the meantime' or similar but I know that's not going to work for the oldest for much longer. I have never slagged their dad off to them and don't intend to start now, I just need to find a neutral way to explain some really shitty behaviour. Fucking arsehole.