Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Should my 8 year old daughter live with dad?

15 replies

AllyWoodrow · 17/01/2021 20:18

Her dad and I split 3 years ago after I managed to free myself from his lying, manipulative and bulling ways. She has always been more drawn towards him a daddy’s girl as they say. Her half brother also lives there part time so it’s a lot more fun there. I know she would rather live there, she’s told me multiple times. She’s crying in bed at the moment because she misses him, I’ve told her she FaceTime him tomorrow because he’s working.

I don’t want to loose my princess. What should I do 😔 I’ve tried over the years so make it so fun over here but it’s never good enough 😔

OP posts:
YouBoughtMeAWall · 17/01/2021 20:21

I managed to free myself from his lying, manipulative and bulling ways.

Repeat this to yourself over and over until you no longer need to ask yourself the original question.

MumOfPsuedoAdult · 17/01/2021 20:22

I would (and did when I was in this position) say no. It's more fun there because he's playing the 'good time dad'. Would he be as good with the daily grind, homework, routine and discipline? She's only 8, she doesn't know what's best for her, but you do.

RedMarauder · 17/01/2021 20:24

It isn't for her to decide at the moment as she is too young.

Also as her father clearly works unconventional hours she would still be with you this time.

The best thing to do is make your arrangement so she is sent to her dad's when her half-brother
is there. This may be another night or two more than she is already seeing them if the arrangement is not already 50/50.

Wishitsnows · 17/01/2021 20:24

He could be manipulating her and alienating her against you.

Toddlerandtwinstobe · 17/01/2021 20:25

How much time does she spend there? You’re not giving yourself enough credit. She has fun at her Dads, so likely takes you for granted. But she needs you and like a PP has said, she doesn’t know what’s best.

Also if he is a bully, then he will eventually show his true colours to her too.

Santaiscovidfree · 17/01/2021 20:27

How is your mh? Is that what you want for your dd? Her to see he is a good man and marry one just like him? The less time she is with him the better. Not more.
Maybe suggest she keeps a diary to show him on his days? Written down she may realise what a good life she has with you!

Lovemusic33 · 17/01/2021 20:30

How often does she see him? Would it be possible to do 50/50 contact? Does he live near by? Would she need to move schools if she went to live with him? I think at the age of 8 she may not realise what living with him would involve, possibly moving schools, not seeing you as much etc.. but I can also see why she may think it’s more fun at her dads if she has a sibling living there and I’m sure he goes out of his way to make things fun when she’s there if she’s not there that often, living there would be very different.

megletthesecond · 17/01/2021 20:57

There's the problem. He's lying and manipulative and possible a Disney dad who makes it fun.
She'd be better off with you Flowers.

Lorw · 17/01/2021 23:23

Just because she’s a daddy’s girl doesn’t mean the logical reason for that is he’s manipulating his daughter, maybe she just loves and misses her dad, which is completely normal.

OP is he a good dad?

It would be best if she stayed with you after all you are her mum and you know what’s best for her, don’t get disheartened, like I said it’s completely normal for her to miss her dad, if she lived with him she would be crying saying she misses you.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/01/2021 23:27

I'm also wondering how much time she spends with her DF? Would he even be willing to increase it?

I agree if she was at his house she would probably be crying that she missed you.

CatVsChristmasTree · 17/01/2021 23:36

My younger half sister lived with her Dad from when she was around age 5 to 9. Mum and step dad split up, they used to argue a lot but she was a 'Daddy's girl' and in the end it was they both left or he stayed and life was unbearable for all of us. My sister insisted she'd rather be with her Dad, but she was a small child and I don't feel should have been able to make that decision.

She spent a lot of time in the pub or being passed around various relatives (she will say she had great fun, she was allowed to run wild!). We ending up all moving back together when they got back together (and remained together, but it was often very volatile) but DSIS's relationship with our Mum never recovered. I don't think she would ever admit it, as she's still a daddy's girl, but I think subconsciously she resented our mum for abandoning her to a life of no structure, routine or safety. Mum died suddenly a few years ago and she struggled to process her grief because they had such a complicated relationship.

Sorry for the long story, but don't assume giving her what she thinks she wants will do anyone any good. Especially if it's more fun Dad.

omg35 · 17/01/2021 23:56

The non resident parent is always the fun one cos they don't have to worry about routine and homework, diet etc. She's so young that it's not uncommon for her to prefer a less structured more fun way of living but rules and discipline make children feel safe and secure. Comfort her, explain she can spend as much time as she wants video calling etc but don't get into the logistics too much. You're a parent and you make the right decisions for her until she's older

MyGodImSoYoung · 18/01/2021 10:04

When DSD was 7 or 8, she told her DM that she wanted to live with her dad, my DP. Every party knew that, ultimately, she thought it would be better at DP's because he used to spend his whole time playing with her and letting her dictate what they did but that if she lived with him, things would be different because chores would still need to be done, DP would be at work, etc. So, she stayed for a week so she could trial it, and childcare arrangements, chores, etc. put in place like if she actually lived with him. Needless to say, she realised the grass wasn't greener and has remained living with her DM.

I suppose what I'm suggesting is letting your DD trail staying so she can see that she will miss you and it won't actually be better. However, you know your ex and if you think he will manipulate the situation so your DD does think it is better at his, then my suggestion may not be the best way forward.

Branleuse · 18/01/2021 10:09

I think you need to find out if her dad is constantly asking her this and painting you as the gatekeeper of fun.

I think its really important that she sees both of you. Remind her that you are so happy that she has fun there and you want her to have a nice time with her dad, but she has two parents and two homes and that is how it will stay.

PinkyParrot · 18/01/2021 10:20

How old is her half brother?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread