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Son doesn't is unhappy with ex

6 replies

Doingitaloneandproud · 05/01/2021 18:50

Hey,
This situation is beginning to drain me, me and Ex DH have been apart since 2011 when he walked out and left us. He's since been up and down with contact, when he doesn't have a partner he's always wanting to see him/contact him and when he does it's limited and always with the partner.
I facilitate contact and in the last year have stopped chasing ex to see him in the evening once a week and instead he sees his only on the alt weekend which is fine.
The ex is on his 4th girlfriend since we split and each he's introduced to our son, I've never met them so don't really know much about them. He always moves in with them after a month or so and our son starts staying there.
I think the issue is more evident with our DS less wanting to speak to / see his dad as he's now lived in 7 homes with him (when he splits he moves in with dad/shared rental/mum) and two previous girlfriends have had children, the current does also. My son has a half sister who he never sees or speaks too which has upset him in the past when his friends don't believe he has a sister as they've never seen her.
He's just got engaged and told DS, DS is no longer replying to him and when I mentioned seeing him he got very upset.
I don't really know where to go from here, it doesn't bother me that he is engaged, if he can finally show stability that's a great thing. But I think it's messing with his head as a few months ago he told DS he was moving out the house to spend more time with him and it'll be them two.
Any advice on what to do please? Do I push my son to reply? Push my ex to make more of an effort? It's been a draining 9 years so far... Sad

OP posts:
Doingitaloneandproud · 05/01/2021 18:51

Doh title should have said son doesn't contact and is unhappy with ex Blush

OP posts:
Oh12lookanothernamechange1234 · 05/01/2021 18:52

That sounds so emotionally draining for your son, and for you as well.

The best thing you can do is show stability in your house any in his life with you.... how old is your DS?

WunWun · 05/01/2021 18:54

No, definitely don't push it at all. I would consider getting him some counseling.

Doingitaloneandproud · 05/01/2021 19:46

Thank you both, my son is 10, he's just got so clingy, don't get me wrong I love him so much, but he follows me to the bathroom, if I pop out the room etc and has dreams of loosing me. It just makes me worried, luckily he has a stable home with me and I always say he can talk about things with me. He gets on so well with my DSis and her family, unfortunately atm he can only video call but they're a great help.
Counselling is a good idea thank you, I'll have a look tonight when he goes to bed to see what counsellors are around here. Hopefully that will help him.
Thank you both Smile

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 09/01/2021 22:25

No I wouldn’t push either.

He needs a space to learn he can process his feelings about his dad without having to dance to his Dads tune.

marshmallowfluffy · 11/01/2021 16:31

I think it's perfectly understandable that your son is happy with the instability in his Dad's life.

I would gently encourage a reply but not press him. So I might ask casually if he's replied to his Dad and if he said no I'd reply with "oh ok" Your son is rapidly approaching an age where a judge would take his feelings about contact into account and it's good if you're there to listen and support him.

Personally I don't push my ex to have more involvement with my kids but I help make contact between him and the kids smoother. It's like I'm holding open the door between them rather than coaxing them to go through the door to see each other.

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