Pregnant with #2, I m petrified, please help!

[IwishIwasBrave]

I m scared to be a single parent of 2, and with 2 different fathers. I am 32 and been raising my oldest who is 5 by myself, no family around and her dad not always available, also no maintenance from him. I somehow managed to get into University full time, now I am in my second year. Met this guy online, we have some common friends etc. Got pregnant within a month, please don't judge, I know its wrong, but I was on the patch. I was completely decided to have an abortion, but this guy kept pressuring me its not ok to have abortion, he will help me etc. Now I am 12 weeks pregnant and depressed and ashamed of myself. My relationship isnt working out at all, he left me by myself on xmas and new year, he doesnt care about me and my future plans, my studies...I dont know how am I meant to take my daughter to school every morning with a newborn I gotta wake up and dress at 7 am. How am I meant to finish my degree...I am ashamed of peoples gossips, I am a respectable person, with a strict background. My mum is disappointed in me, she lives abroad anyway. I feel so depressed, so lonely and I feel I made the biggest mistake to keep this baby, although I love him/her. Is there any positive stories or encouragement I can get from ladies in my shoes? I feel so ashamed of what I he become...

There is no need to be ashamed, you haven't become anything, you are still the same decent person. Most universities have a crèche or nursery of you could always look at switching to online university for now, more are doing that especially right now.

If you're only 12 weeks the decision to not go ahead is not closed to you. If you think having this new child will be really detrimental your life chances and those of your existing child then don't let the judgement of others, who would not have to make the sacrifices you do, stop you from terminating the pregnancy if that's what is right for you.

Please don't carry on a pregnancy because some man who isn't going to carry, support and care for the child has decided for you. !

You also have to consider the impact this will have on your existing child. The decision to keep or terminate this pregnancy needs to be yours and yours alone based on the fact that you WILL be doing this alone. You still have time for those decisions.

I'm so sorry ur struggling like this. noone has the right to judge noone knows what's round the corner for them. Do what's right for u. get rid of this bully who's doing nothing for u. Its ur body its ur life and if choosing not to have this baby is the best thing for YOU then its the right decision. I really feel for u and I hope u have support whatever u decide xx

What others think of you OP is none of your business always tenner that.

What are you studying? Remember the first year is tough always but once you get into a routine and the baby sleeps through it’s easier.

What do you want OP did you ever want another baby? Can you go through CMS for any of the fathers?

@IwishIwasBrave you are a single mother. Bag off that fool now and work on what you have.

Take a break from your studies if you need to, added pressure isn't going to help.

You are going to have two beautiful dc and yes it will be hard but you have a whole life to live and it doesn't all have to be done a certain way.

I was 16 & pregnant, got married 4 yrs later he left and I was lost. Everyone had there ' I told you so' ready!

Well I got a good job, went to uni and sorted everything the way I wanted.

Finally started dating 7 years later, thought I found a good one, lol he was not, and I got left with another dc,
But I learnt that I can take my time doing things my way, my dc are teens and my little babies is about to be 3 and I'm 32.

If I knew when I was first left at 19/20 that I was able to make my life my own I wouldn't of believed it.

Find your own path,

Single mama here with 2 kids by 2 dads...all through my pregnancy I was ashamed of that but when little girl was born I honestly didn't give a shit about that! Her dad left me when I was 8 and a half weeks pregnant and it was tough.

Its tough raising a baby on your own, my first child is 16 so I can't give any advice on how to cope with 2 kids. Its so tough alone with one child i get no time to myself but I wouldn't change it for the world. Ultimately the choice is yours but base on you choice on what you want not what promises the father makes to you.

Wishing you all the best in what is a very tough sit x

Hi OP,

I feel for you. If I can share my story just to show there are people in a similar boat for some comfort.

I have an almost 3 Yr old by my current partner and he is not an easy toddler (suspected ADHD). Although my partner has been here most of the time (we were actually split up when I found out I was pregnant) he's not helped one bit and I was just planning to leave him as he is useless eland hasn't been helping one bit even whilst he wasnt working these past few months. It really made me resent him but I have just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant! I told him out of respect and he told his whole family without even discussing it with me and before I had even made my mind up so it felt like it was done for me!! I know it was and still is my choice but I guess I've already got my head round it and would feel too guilty aborting now so I'm faced with having baby number two and bringing them up alone, I know we won't be together long and it's awful thinking of this and I too don't want to be judged, I've told everyone I was leaving him and now I'm having a second baby. I'm sure Ive made up my mind but I feel guilty I don't feel happy.

Just remind yourself that you are young, I am the same age as you and what keeps me going is knowing I am not alone and I hopefully build a carrerr and find love again once they are in school if I am ready.

Obviously it will be tough but if you can complete uni then you know you have good prospects for the future and if not that's fine too, you could always pick up where you left off when the time is right for you. Also I know I can't speak from experience but part of me thinks perhaps having two will be better as they will have each other for company and not rely on your time as much once they are that little bit older.

All the best and remeber there are so many people in your position