court order deviation

[getalong]

this is only one side of the story, but would appreciate the assumption its all true for the sake to provide advice or solutions to this predicament. thanks

my ex has decided to terminate direct contact (blocked my number and emails). wants to utilise the children's phones (aged 10&11) as middle men to sort out future dates. for me this is not acceptable. would perhaps consider it if relationship were amicable but it is not. I suggested the mediation portal we once used before the court order as a means to make arrangements but he said no. his reason wasn't a reason at all.

WHAT SHOULD I DO? was thinking offering going back to mediation (ill pay the whole thing myself) to settle the communications issue. have a feeling he will say no to that also. or is it a case of going back to solicitors?

additionally: I have not been abusive, manipulative or providing long winded messages etc to warrant this reaction. (in my opinion)reasons for these circumstances is because he deviates from the court order A LOT and I remind him constantly about it. and fair enough, nothing worse than being corrected from an ex how to go about their life. this has him losing control over the situation because the court order agreed to doesn't suit him anymore.

If he deviates from the court order a lot then this is just another way to deviate from it

Just don't allow deviations (I bet your not deviating)
So go out or don't answer the door if he doesn't turn up - have them ready the next time but do the same if he doesn't

Why do you need to make arrangements if they're already laid out in a court order? You're just dancing to his tune.

Stick to the existing arrangement. If he has them great. If not his loss. Not your responsibility to rearrange.

Write and state this. Also ask for an alternative contact as he has blocked so that if there is an emergency - eg hospital admission, he can be informed.

Stop allowing deviations. Tell him to take you to court if he wants adjustments to the order. He is either enjoying pissing you off or is trying to get out of child contact long term and hoping being awkward with trigger you to say fuck off and he looks like the good guy.
Whatever is agreed in mediation isn't legally binding so he could say that he'll email you in mediation but not be required to do so in reality. Yanbu to expect direct contact with him.
Make it clear he follows the order or takes you to court to vary it. Not agreeing to his adjustments doesn't make you obstructive - your children should be able to have plans with you and your side of the family.

titchy Arrangments arent fixed calendar paterns because of his job so we agreed he proposes which weekends he’s free a month in advance and i acknowledge which ones the kids are available (2 in a month). However he’s encountered other temporary commitments, to the point the children no longer stay overnight. ive let him off but the excuses are exhaustive now. And then takes offense when i remind of his shortcomings.

His alternative was his GFs email who doesnt get on with me (plot thickens). Her emails are long winded and never sticks to the dialogue which is, “when to bloody have kids!” So surely a mediation portal makes sense?

@TicTacTwo you are probably on the money! going back to court has always been back of my mind. Tbh at this point i couldnt care if he sees them less. I simply want a structure in place so not always adapting to -as you rightly put- his tune all the time. However i can tell its affecting children and he has already used my strong stance known to them as the bad parent. And worse is to come for them next month if i stick to my guns by not letting him see them.

I would consider a solicitors letter.. stating thst you are unable arrange contact without communication. Your children are too young to arrange contact. Contact can only be arranged this way. You could offer the portal within this

I think @Starlightstarbright1 has it bang on above. I let contact arrangements begin to go through my dc at teens plus, but 10&11 is way too young.

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer @Starlightstarbright1 thnaks for the feedback. It is what i thought but wanted to get neutral perspective. Not the point but children have already passed on inaccurate messages which led to more confusion in the past so that in it self shows flaw in his method anyways.

Anymore advice is welcomed, i doubt a letter from solicitors will fully resolve stability but a step in the appropriate direction

My two are mid-teens now and contact is... sporadic at best. They arrange with their dad themselves and ask me first before they confirm (as I need to drive etc).

10 and 11 is too young for them to be the middleman. Back to court, or a solicitors letter quoting the court order and that dc are not to be used as go-between.

Also step back from the messages criticising your ex. This is likely why he's blocked you, and is attempting to insist on alternative communication methods. It's hard, and I do completely understand, but keep it to 'are kids free on x date', 'yes/no', 'OK see you at 5pm' or whatever.