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Original poster

I just don't believe it...

10 replies

zmandaz · 24/10/2007 20:44

After everything my ex has put me through - abusive emails and phone calls, serious threats of violence towards me and DD, getting a criminal record because of such threats, he's now written to my solicitor saying he's thinking of going for a contact order. The man is clearly unstable and I'm terrified that they'll let him see DD. I just want to get on with our lives and try to bring her up in as stable an environment as possible. Why can't he just walk away and leave us alone? Is there any chance that a judge will let him have contact after all this?

OP posts:
Alambil · 24/10/2007 23:02

You can fight for supervised contact, but it is most likely he will get some sort (contact centre type - not just hand your daughter over and hope he comes back.

It will be a rough ride; I have first hand experience (from the same point as you regarding abuse / contact worries) and can assure you that the courts take this sort of pathetic behaviour into account when making decisions

My only tip is - get a good solicitor - they are worth their weight in gold in supporting you and make sure they actually listen to what you want and act on it - if they don't; sack them

And don't forget - we are always here to help you and support you too

orangehead · 24/10/2007 23:21

Hi, Im going through similar situation at the mo. It is very likely he will get contact but you can push for supervised contact. The cafcass officer we had was not nice and tried to push me into agreeing to something I did not want to, but I struck to my guns and it paid off and she was shown to be wrong and we were assigned a new one. Basically Im saying if you think supervised contact is what is best for your kids, stick to your guns. I also wish my x would dissappear and leave us alone, I dont think he even cares about the kids it is all about him having control. I hope everything goes well and remember you not alone and keep posting for support

Original poster
zmandaz · 25/10/2007 08:57

That's what is so frustrating about it all. He thinks he can just say what he wants and rant and rave but still get his own way in the end. I went through a period where I daren't leave the house because he threatened to snatch DD. The police who heard his threats were shocked and they obviously took it seriously because he was charged with harrassment, given community service and an indefinite restraining order. Surely he can't just walk back into our lives after not seeing DD for nearly 2 years and after all the above. He may still be bluffing about getting contact but I hate the fact that he can put the threat of it out there so I'm now worrying about it and unsure of the future. Honestly, if it wasn't for my family I'd seriously think about emmigrating! I really just want to get on with my life but I know now that he's always going to be in the background, stirring up trouble. How on earth am I supposed to meet someone else after this? I reckon an ad along the lines of Single Mum with psychotic ex husband WLTM single guy with very thick skin to cope with said ex husband; might just put a few of them off

OP posts:
Alambil · 25/10/2007 16:23

we can share the advert cost!!

I honestly think these men do it for kicks - to show they are in "control" of us (as if!) and to make themselves look big - or so they think.

Stick to your guns - noone knows your child like you do; you know what she will cope with and what is best for her so try not to bend too much (you may have to bend a bit - I did on things like length of contact etc)

I also don't believe the court will ignore his past behaviour - he will have to show some sort of change in attitude has occurred since the harrassment charge (the charge / order is FANTASTIC for you - well done for getting it as this helps the with the fight)

Keep strong and don't worry about crying whenever you need. Goodness knows I must have literally cried a river whilst I was going through it. I really mean that we are here for you - I know it's not the same as real life but I found strength knowing that I wasn't the only one that has been there / going through it as sometimes it feels like that, especially after a hard day at court where you feel like all you've done is give in and give in some more (it may seem like it at the time but it was a case of "give him enough rope to hang himself" in my case and it worked - we haven't heard from him in 2 years and he hasn't even sent a birthday card this year...)

Sorry to go on! I'll shut up now! Try not to worry too much - it is what he wants (I know that it is hard NOT to worry, but you know what I mean)!

orangehead · 25/10/2007 22:01

I know what you mean about emmigrating I feel the same. Although the court probably will offer him some contact with the evidence of his record etc they is no way the court will allow you and dd to be put in danger so you shouldnt have a problem regarding it being supervised. With any luck if he stubborn like my x he may refuse thinking supervised contact is beneath him and that just shows the court what he is really like

Alambil · 25/10/2007 22:59

snap orangehead - the courts don't take too kindly to these "men" saying "I want contact, but can't do this or that or the other"

It turned out my ex couldn't do weekdays as travel was too expensive (£100 flight return - could do it in a 48 hour period - not much seeing as he earned over £1300 a month and NO bills!) and he couldn't do weekends cos he worked

The judge nearly laughed out loud when ex said that!!

Do try not to worry too much - supervised contact, in a contact centre is what you need and will fight for (it may not be a fight per se) but don't back down

orangehead · 25/10/2007 23:19

lewis- they are twats arent they, it definetly more about control than the kids

Alambil · 26/10/2007 00:31

Absolutely. That is what makes it so hard - we are free physically but on some occasions, they still seem to hold all the control - contact being one of them (until the court realises that the arguments present are true and accurate)

The family court is a joke

Original poster
zmandaz · 26/10/2007 19:02

Thanks for the messages. It makes me so mad that just by saying he's thinking about going for a contact order, it's put me under stress already worrying about what he's going to do next. He's been warned that if he contacts us again then he faces prison. Why go to that extreme then decide he wants to see DD. I think you're right in that he probably has no intention of doing the supervised visits, he just wants to stress me out. I will definitely fight for a contact centre if it comes to that. Thankfully I have a very good solicitor who I'm sure will help me when the time comes.

OP posts:
orangehead · 27/10/2007 17:06

Hope all goes well. I know it is easy said then done espeacially when the kids are concerned, but try not to let him get to you and remember how well you have done sorting your life out and getting this far

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