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Original poster

My support bubble has burst

20 replies

FreesiaFairy · 21/12/2020 16:56

Does anyone else have the same thing? Am in tier 4 and my parents are support bubble.. **but they are now very worried about catching the virus, and although I can isolate / not go in shops etc, my son see's his dad twice a week. And there are quite a few people who live with his family there, and we can't be 100% sure how careful they are being covid wise.. so therefore my parents are not comfortable with us coming over.. they suggest saying my son can't go and see his dad - which is obviously not an option - this tier 4 could go on for ages!? And I don't really want to tell friends the situation I'm in as I don't want them to feel sorry for me / feel like they should risk meeting up etc.

Is this an issue for any other single parents who child goes to see the other parent? x

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Thinkingg · 21/12/2020 16:58

And I don't really want to tell friends the situation I'm in as I don't want them to feel sorry for me / feel like they should risk meeting up etc.

If I was your friend, I would want to know, so I could support you. If you think your parents will have this attitude long term, could you bubble with someone else instead?

ServeTheServants · 21/12/2020 17:01

Gosh that really is so awful for you. I agree that if I were your friend, I would absolutely want to know and would do everything I could to help. X

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/12/2020 17:03

I would be delighted if a friend asked me to bubble. I imagine most of your single friends are already bubbled up, so if you have any friends with partners ask them. As I'm married I can't choose to bubble with anyone unless they are single and no one has asked. It would consider it a huge advantage to my own well being as well as yours. Dont be shy, do it!

Hathertonhariden · 21/12/2020 17:11

I'm in the same boat although compounded by having recently lost my dad so DM is on her own. She won't contemplate being with us as dc has just got back from seeing their DF and the ex-ILs. Despite being fully aware that elderly DM was supposed to be with us for Xmas, they were meeting people, getting the train to go shopping and having a family get together. It wouldn't have been sensible even before Saturday's announcement.

Original poster
FreesiaFairy · 21/12/2020 17:13

It does seem like they are going to have this attitude long term - or at least till they get vaccinated. I just can't believe it, it's their first grandchild.. I got us both tests done today and rearranged days with my babies dad, he agreed to have him boxing day rather than Christmas Eve so that me and baby could isolate after test. It came back negative so I thought great, can at least be with my parents for Christmas then they start saying well it's only 70 percent effective.. which made me feel really uncomfortable and I'm not sure if they are happy for us to go there! (That's the Christmas situation rather than the long term issue) I sort of don't want people to think badly of my parents either, like they are being unreasonable etc ahhh I don't know what to do I feel lonely and crap

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unicornsarereal72 · 21/12/2020 17:24

My parents are on the fence. My step dad wants us to stay away. My mum is more supportive and understand we are doing all we can to keep safe. I have said I will respect their wishes. And understand. But I'm beginning to feel more and more isolated. Just hope things quickly improve with the vaccine etc.

Original poster
FreesiaFairy · 21/12/2020 17:27

Oh no @Hathertonhariden :-( :-( :-( sorry you can't be with your mum.

This must apply to lots of people don't you think? Coz it's hard to know how careful your child's other parent is being? X

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Original poster
FreesiaFairy · 21/12/2020 17:40

Thank you @ServeTheServants

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Original poster
FreesiaFairy · 21/12/2020 17:40

That's a good way of thinking of it @CeeceeBloomingdale

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Pumpertrumper · 21/12/2020 17:48

I think it’s really hard for those with children at school. I think because you have to accept the risk you just do and it seems like a much smaller deal!

However, those without kids see this as a huge risk. I know my MIL has refused to go to SIL for Christmas now because their second household contains a primary school child. She has every right to do that as the child in question (having done nothing wrong at all) is just a much higher risk than anyone else we have in the family.

Our Christmas Day bubble has 2 vulnerable adults (6 in total), we wouldn’t choose to invite a school aged child. It’s too much of a risk. On saying that if our DS were old enough for school DH and I would obviously be accepting the risk, we’d probably also have to accept that no one else would come to us!

Pumpertrumper · 21/12/2020 17:50

I also get a bit Hmm when parents try to defend that school attendance doesn’t make kids higher risk.

No offence but compared to 6 adults who WFH and don’t leave the house even to shop they are MUCH higher risk. They sit in classrooms with 15-20 other kids whilst we haven’t been within 2 meters of other people in months!

Original poster
FreesiaFairy · 22/12/2020 09:44

@Pumpertrumper that true. It doesn't apply to my child yet as he is only a baby. The only place he goes without me / that isn't guaranteed to be covid secure / is his dad's. I obviously can't refuse him to go to his dad's, and I can't be 100% sure they are sticking to the rules over there. I'm not saying that my parents are being unreasonable, I'm just sad about the whole situation and wondered if anyone was in the same boat. I'm assuming this must apply to many single parents across the country, and they will be spending Christmas alone with their children, unless their support bubble doesn't contain vunerable adults? I realise will also apply in many other situations and there will be single adults spending it completely alone (without children etc) for other reasons such as having been going into work and other such risks..

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Original poster
FreesiaFairy · 22/12/2020 09:46

It just helps a bit knowing that others might be in the same situation?

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Sohardtochooseausername · 22/12/2020 09:49

My support bubble has fallen apart. Everyone is scared of the new strain and staying away from children. I haven’t been anywhere socially since October. I am dying of loneliness and freaking out about the schools being closed.

Original poster
FreesiaFairy · 22/12/2020 15:38

@Sohardtochooseausername I'm so sorry to hear that. This virus is a horrible thing Flowers

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TheNortherner · 22/12/2020 16:02

We should all bubble up together! My parents havent said anything yet... but i did have similar from my parents in lockdown 1 when support bubbles were introduced. I can understand it from all sides, but it means that you don't get any support really.i don't know many/any single parents or families who would want to bubble up either.

NorthernSpirit · 23/12/2020 10:46

This is really difficult.

I’m a SM and my OH’s children visit every weekend and half the holidays.

We’re tier 4. The children go to school and mum does what she wants - the children regularly tell us how they have met up with people, visited her friends indoors etc.

My OH has asked her to stick to the guidelines for the sake of the but it’s met with a wall of silence.

I’m extremely nervous about them visiting. We have stuck to the guidelines, they are in and out of peoples homes. I’m sucking it up (I’m not happy that mum can endanger their lives as well as our household) but that’s the price we pay to see the kids.

ChalkDinosaur · 23/12/2020 10:50

I'm sorry OP, this sounds really hard. I second the idea that you should talk to your friends. Not everyone will be comfortable with forming a bubble but personally I'd love to form a bubble with a single parent friend - from a selfish POV, it would be lovely to be able to actually meet a friend indoors!

Original poster
FreesiaFairy · 23/12/2020 19:16

@NorthernSpirit that sounds like a difficult situation! They obviously made an exception for children with separated parents, but having them move between households does add an element of risk - especially when you're not sure how careful the other parent is being. So tricky.

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Original poster
FreesiaFairy · 23/12/2020 19:19

My parents have decided it's ok for us to stay for Christmas now as the risk is relatively low after our tests, but I don't think will be seeing them inside after when the baby is going back and forth :-(

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