Cancelling child maintenance

[Givemeabreak88]

If your ex is absent then should you claim child maintenance? I currently get £7 a week for four children it’s even been a battle to get that tbh, my ex refuses to work, quits jobs, works cash in hand, doesn’t claim benefits, Basically does what he can to avoid payments, he’s only just started the last 6 months paying £7 a month through cms. This is probably the longest he has ever paid consistently. However it’s obviously a pathetic amount and doesn’t pay for anything. I’ve decided to cancel cm as I’m just tired of the fight, he doesn’t want to see them and also doesn’t want to pay, I just think if someone doesn’t want to be in their lives then it’s pointless taking money from them. I’ve come to the conclusion that I should just cancel cm, he will never work, but I posted on another group and basically got told I would be wrong to cancel it, that it “adds up” yeh £7 really adds up and that I was basically “taking from my children” and it’s “their money not mine” but surely not everyone even claims child maintenance? Especially if their ex isn’t working etc, I can put £7 (or more) away for them myself into their account so not like they will be missing out on their riches, I just want a clean break, the £28 a month in my account just feels like an insult and I don’t see why I should be grateful to receive it (I basically got told I should be grateful because “some people get nothing” and “£7 over 10 weeks is £70”)

@DobbyHP

Yes I'd cancel it.

£7 a month you receive and he will probably be crying the poor tale and be telling everyone that listens how he "provides" for his 4 children.

Worst advice. Do not do this! I’m shocked to read so many people saying they aren’t going to claim (or are not currently claiming).

Why should the mother be having the sole finicial responsibility!

£7 a week is pittance although for the year it could go towards a night away for you and the kids OP.

once you have the ball rolling CMS should cause you no issues. You never know your ex may have to declare his earnings one day... at least you can keep track.

You can also show your kids how their father paid £7 a week

Put it into a savings account

If you feel you don't want to claim then don't. I didn't claim from Ex1. He was abusive and I wanted a clean break. I'd only have got a share of £5 a week anyway so the peace of being rid of him was worth it. Ex2 should pay more but no way am I going to grovel and beg. I can manage without his money and I'd rather have my pride intact than go cap in hand for him to play lord bountiful (and dine out on it with everyone he knows). Any moral issue about saving for the kids is his issue not mine. I'm not stopping him.

DrCoconut

Thank you that’s my views as well. I am the one contributing 100% because £7 is pathetic and is basically a pack of nappies for my youngest, I wouldn’t notice if I didn’t get it because I don’t notice it coming into my account. I’ve already decided I will be cancelling in the new year when I get time. I know why people are saying not to but honestly the principle for me would be to hold my head high rather than have him laughing at me getting his pocket change .

I get it but out that £7 away every week and at least it can build up and pay for something big on £15 years etc I'd make sure he paid it if only to prove a point x

@Givemeabreak88 with my exh I fought for the child support. Got offered £5 for one child and nothing for the other after 6 months waiting (2011) I was confused how they forgot our other ds. He was at the time making £2k min a month.

I told them to stick it. It was insulting, and the mental torture to keep talking to these prats on the phone.

Well after 7 yrs he finally give me £70 a week for two years, but also paying late with no warning, went to CMS, took 8 months for a amount he agreed with. Every chance he can to change it he does. It's been changed 3 times this year, and I only opened it last October.

Now in January I separated from my youngest ds df, he was on bail for harassment but I went to CMS, got a payment quickly as he already has a case open.
Then bail ended and I got a non mol. June He decided as punishment to bounce all the direct dd, through a pandemic.

Finally, a week ago I got a payment, now I have to wait for a call from the arrears team as I believe he's crying about how high the payments are. As he decided to stop both child support payments, me and his ex. Well he had to be sure I didn't get it.

He had gone NC with our ds, only ever contacting me on fake account to tell me he misses me which I block.

I am now terrified that this force payment is going to cause him to act up, and I am also very closed to cancelling the whole thing.

Because I tell you that the stress and anger attached isn't worth it at all. Receiving calls from CMS, when they be bothered to actually respond changes your mood which affects the dc.

Do what you feel is best, yes £7 adds up but so does all the stress and stupidity.

Money isn't as important as a calm happy mother.

And before anyone comments about me wanting to cancel, my ex is a officer and slept in my shed for two weeks, still going to work and would scream at my door for hours, and nothing happened as they put in down to MH.