Police agree with stbxh

[clpsmum]

I am actually at my wits end and a nervous wreck. I'm starting to think I'm crazy and just twisting everything to suit myself.

My dc and I have cut all contact with stbxh due to ongoing emotional/mental "abuse", gaslighting etc

So fa r this week he has confronted my 72yr old neighbour in a supermarket. He appeared agitated and unstable and was ranting and raving at her about me.

He's hacked into my youngest sons games console unblocked himself and sent him a message when it's been made clear through solicitors letter not to do this.

Sent me a YouTube link to a video basically accusing me of cutting my children off from their family, parental alienation and child abuse.

Sent me an email saying he is worried that I am mentally unstable and have narcissistic personality disorder.

Him and his entire family completely ignored and failed to acknowledge one of the DC birthdays at weekend.

On the advice of women and children first I reported to the police. They've just been lit and said basically no crime has been committed it's just a custody matter, my solicitor is clearly not versed in family law as going from their own personal experience know that she isn't advising me correctly and basically they've made me feel like shit and that I've completely wasted their time.

Have I? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? We've been separated three years if that makes any difference

I've never heard of women and children first. Are you in the UK?

I would follow their advice re solicitors since it sounds like they know what they are talking about.

Is he likely to kick off at Christmas?

Hi OP. Firstly sorry you are going through this I've been there and it's horrible. Hopefully can give you some practical advice though about being realistic about any legal prosecution.

I'm a police officer and at all times I have at least two harassment cases on my queue most are quite similar to yours.

In this case previous posters are absolutely correct this does not meet the points to prove for harassment at all so that is why the police can't do anything.

While I'm sure the charity are trying to help they have given you really bad advice about what police can do for you and also reporting any previous historical stuff isn't going to go anywhere either. What is the historical stuff? Assaults? Or more unwanted contact?

There is only a max of 6 months for offences in this category from when they happen to pursue. So if you tried to now go and report a load of different incidents from ages ago nothing can happen as the time has lapsed. So even if an officer took a report it would immediately have to be filed even if you did have any evidence to provide. I know it's frustrating but it is how it works.

In terms of why it isn't harassment, seeing as you have children together a court would see it as reasonable for him to need to contact you, and vice versa, to make arrangements for the kids. You would need to show that you had told him to not contact you, block him on all platforms etc. But seeing as you have children and contact issues this is not really realistic.

With my own arse hole ex it wasn't easy but mediation really helped us and we managed to keep it out of court at the last minute really.

You could try and apply for your own civil order such as a non mol from the courts but you still need to have proof of a course of conduct from the ex, so unless there is more than you have put in your OP you may not meet the threshold for being awarded one.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear, I know this year is hard enough already without extra stuff to deal with.

It’s a very hard situation because as a mother you want to protect your children.

I think I would just be straight to the point and send in the letter that he should send suggested access arrangements.

In an actual formal agreement you can also ask him to agree to other conditions such as bedtimes, no parental alienation etc. This then gives you a leg to stand on if it is not adhered to and you can without doubt know you are doing the right thing by halting access.

I would also take into consideration the children didn’t want to go there much and would agree to something along the lines of Friday night until Sunday morning every other weekend and maybe negotiate dinner one evening a week. If things improved and the children wanted to spend more time with him then I would revisit once I was completely satisfied he would put the children first.

Good luck with it all.

@Lucy830 when he was in contact with the children they only went once a week for less than24hrs. He decided he wanted to change this and have them all individually on separate nights. I wasn't happy about that as it's not fair on anybody but would've considered it. Now however they do not want any contact with him whatsoever so I am really not sure what to do for the best