Bit of a long one.. Left XP in July, after two years together. DS was 10 months. Left due to consistent verbal abuse/controlling behaviour/jealousy, which was getting worse rather than better. Basically, I'd have left him in the first year if it hadn't been for the baby. We talked a lot about whether to keep the baby at the time and we both decided to make a go of it, even if the relationship didn?t work out. I tried everything to keep the family together, including Relate, but he just didn't seem to see the problems and didn't make any effort to change. So far, same old story and am very glad I left, although it was a bit of a shock to XP.
However, since I left, XP has had about 10 minutes contact with DS, despite encouragement from me, and has since said that he doesn't want any contact ever again. He didn't acknowledge his first birthday at all and has had no contact with either of us for over a month. Luckily DS is too little to really acknowledge his lack of dad, but I'm starting to get a bit concerned. I figured it was just some petty controlling thing to try & upset me, but I'm starting to wonder if he'll ever come round.
After the birthday thing, I decided to go for maintenance (have sent a mail which wasn?t replied to/will go for CSA later this week) - not that I'll get anything, as I'm the worker & he is the "self employed person ", but I can't seriously believe that a man can just walk away from a son pretending he doesn't exist. It?s bizarre, he?s got 3 other children from another relationship and it?s like they are the ?real family? and we are just add-ons that can just be airbrushed out of his life.
Is this sort of thing common ..? Has anyone got any tips for dealing with this? Is 3 months really not that long anyway..? Personally, I swing between never wanting to see him again/thinking that we don?t need him anyway and thinking that having a dad, even a crap one, is best for DS. It?s horrible, so any ?it all came good in the end? experiences much appreciated..
B x