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Original poster

Looking after kids is a “woman’s job” ?

16 replies

Givemeabreak88 · 05/12/2020 11:19

I’m really fed up with life. I’m a single mum to 4, I get zero break ever. My ex upped and left and went 3 years without seeing them. He has been seeing them again recently but that’s only once a fortnight for a couple of hours, nothing more, he never contacts them in between visits and clearly isn’t bothered. My mum thinks I should cut contact with him as he obviously doesn’t have much interest in them but she doesn’t understand that I get zero break at all, she will have one or two but that’s very rare and they never want to go anyway so it doesn’t happen often and still having at least two children isn’t a break imo not that I expect her to have all 4 of course but I do expect my ex to when he sees them but she said I shouldn’t expect my ex to take all 4?! And “what man takes out 4 kids, I don’t know any man that takes out 4 kids” oh and apparently it’s a “woman’s job” she doesn’t get why I let him see them again after being absent for so long but she also doesn’t understand that I am desperate for a break, I get no time to myself at all , my oldest two have autism, but my ex only wants to see them twice a month for the day, no overnights , is my mum right?

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/12/2020 12:23

Firstly I really want to acknowledge your amazing for just getting on,the effort and emotional graft of being a single mum is huge. You’re a star🌟

Okay so you need to do what’s right for you and the kids. If you feel it’s okay for dad to see the kids and he will give you a break, that’s ok

What kind of man takes 4 kids for the day...a decent man.
A man taking care of his kids isn’t emasculated. In fact he’s doing what he should do

You’re mum is completely misguided and her sentiments are old fashioned . She is from another dark era spouting that tosh

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 05/12/2020 12:44

Thank you yes she is extremely old fashioned! Growing up we were told men don’t cook or do house work so me and my sister were expected to do all that and our brothers weren’t expected to do anything. Luckily this didn’t rub off on me but it’s so draining listening to her sometimes, my point
To her was although I appreciate she will occasionally have one or two, it isn’t really a break as I’m never child free and although I don’t expect her to take all 4 she needs to understand that I do expect that off their father and if I ever want a break or a life of my own he is my only option sadly.

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/12/2020 12:59

Honestly, you’re amazing and yes you deserve a wee bit of you,just you time
He’s the dad so yes let him step up,it’s what a parent does
Your mum,blimey she’s really of another era with all that women’s work guff. You’ll not change her mind,you’ll need to just zone it out, and not get worked up by her.
Women with those old fashioned views they’re resistant to change,don’t want to change. Dont expend energy or effort on it. Reserve your energy for making sure your kids understand parenting is a shared endeavour and not women’s work

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2020 13:02

Well if we’re living by old fashioned stereotypes aren’t men supposed to provide all the financial security for the family....don’t suppose he does that right?Hmm

In answer to what kind of man takes out 4 kids, answer=, a man who has 4 kids!

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/12/2020 13:06

In answer to what kind of man takes out 4 kids, answer=, a man who has 4 kids!
⬆️Haha that’s a belter

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 05/12/2020 13:19

😂 well exactly! They are his kids I’m not asking him to come and take someone else’s children out, I told my mum if he said he only wanted to take 2 I would tell him not to bother, they come as a package.

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/12/2020 13:21

Just cut your mum out the conversation. If he’s coming to collect his kids,don’t tell her

formerbabe · 05/12/2020 13:23

Like @OnlyFoolsnMothers said, the very very traditional way is for the women to do all the childcare and men provide all financial support..I bet he doesn't.

Poor you though, sounds bloody exhausting and you can't force him to pull his weight in a practical sense.

My personal view is that men like this should be prosecuted for neglect

SanFranciscoCocksucker · 05/12/2020 13:28

I hope you're claiming as much maintenance as possible from him op!

KittenCalledBob · 05/12/2020 13:35

Also, as well as you getting a break (which is completely understandable- I'd feel the same as you), I do think that some time with their dad is better than no time. At least this way they won't idolise him in their minds as they grow up.

Carry on as you're doing OP. Ignore your mum.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 05/12/2020 17:26

Thanks for the comments.

No unfortunately he doesn’t pay much maintenance, he pays £7 a week as he doesn’t work.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 05/12/2020 17:27

@Givemeabreak88

Thanks for the comments.

No unfortunately he doesn’t pay much maintenance, he pays £7 a week as he doesn’t work.

Even worse...he has plenty of free time then to see his dc. Disgraceful

Flowers for you

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 05/12/2020 17:57

Yes exactly formerbabe he doesn’t work yet only wants to see them once a fortnight, he has no other commitments, I’ve tried to ask him to see them more but he isn’t interested, he said lots of dads only see their kids fortnightly, I pointed out that that is usually over night though! Not for a few hours

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2020 18:57

Eugh what a pathetic excuse of a father. I only hope such fathers realise once they are old and need support that their kids hate them and see them for the waste of space they are!

Wibble01 · 13/12/2020 13:27

@Givemeabreak88

I’m really fed up with life. I’m a single mum to 4, I get zero break ever. My ex upped and left and went 3 years without seeing them. He has been seeing them again recently but that’s only once a fortnight for a couple of hours, nothing more, he never contacts them in between visits and clearly isn’t bothered. My mum thinks I should cut contact with him as he obviously doesn’t have much interest in them but she doesn’t understand that I get zero break at all, she will have one or two but that’s very rare and they never want to go anyway so it doesn’t happen often and still having at least two children isn’t a break imo not that I expect her to have all 4 of course but I do expect my ex to when he sees them but she said I shouldn’t expect my ex to take all 4?! And “what man takes out 4 kids, I don’t know any man that takes out 4 kids” oh and apparently it’s a “woman’s job” she doesn’t get why I let him see them again after being absent for so long but she also doesn’t understand that I am desperate for a break, I get no time to myself at all , my oldest two have autism, but my ex only wants to see them twice a month for the day, no overnights , is my mum right?
Hi Op I wanted to comment as I'm divorced from my ex (separated 2 years) and am a Father of four.

I have the kids, all of them and they stay overnight. I wouldnt say its been an easy ride but that's another story. So I would say men can do it (mine were 10,8,4and3 when she asked me to leave).
It must be hard given the situation you've explained.
Can his Mom not help him or something (I do it mainly on my own but I realise some Father's would be clueless in this regard).

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 13/12/2020 22:58

Sadly his parents both passed away before I had met him so no options there, he doesn’t really have any other family.

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