After some advice please.... ex husband and I split over 2 years ago. There's been to-ing and fro-ing with where the DC's live during that time and CMS involvement. I was awarded maintenance in 2019 which he refused to pay. Eventually with arrears over £3k he paid some but there's still 1.3k outstanding and subject to recovery.
I closed the claim in July. We finally settled into a semblance of routine with DD with me and DS with ex so 50:50ish. DD is still permanently resident with me due to relationship breakdown with her dad. She's 18 and has started an apprenticeship this month. DS is 15 and spends 4/5 nights a week at his dads house.
So - as DD is now on apprenticeship wage I'm thinking that although I still house and feed her technically I'm not supporting her so far as maintenance is concerned; is this right? If so then I should be paying maintenance to ex husband for DS.
Ignoring the arrears issue - how do I then manage requests from 15 y/o DS? Ex is hugely crap at paying for anything - lunch money, bus fares, uniform, clothes - he has never footed the bills and although he is mostly at his dads I pick up expenses. DS messaged me today asking for money to be put in his lunch account. I don't want to say no but if I do start to have to pay maintenance to the ex can I be expected to pay for these expenses too? DS will always default to asking me as Ex is impossible to get hold of (never answers phone, ignores texts etc). Last time I asked him to sort out DS's lunch account he simply replied 'F**k off'. Is it permissible to take expenses out of maintenance and pay the balance to ex. It will become more of an issue next year when DS starts college and will have bus fare of £80 a month. After being treated extremely badly by ex in relation to kids and maintenance before I'm not feeling inclined to be paying him maintenance and kids expenses on top. However I don't want DS to be in position if not having bus fare or lunch. He is well aware how unreliable his dad is but I really don't DS to suffer as a result.
What can I do?