Ex and kids internet security

[cinders81]

Hi
I'm so confused with technology as it is and i was proud of myself for setting up online security for the kids xbox. I then got suspicious as my son was on his gadgets outwith the limits i set.

I then discovered he was logging into his email his dad set up for him that has no limits.

Myself and Dad haven't got the best relationship since i left his controlling and abusive ways. I've realised hes set the kids up with email addresses with part of his house name in it.

I told him we should really just have one email and not personalised to mum or dads house.

I then asked him about limits as he shouldn't be controlling the xbox in my house and also my daughter's phone. We'd sat down to register her for free period products as she started them and had a link in her school email to apply. We couldn't apply as he set limits so she has to keep phoning him to ask for time which is quite frustrating.

I suggested, i dont even know if this is possible, if we can have an email for the family safety so we can both access and adjust if needed and have one email for the kids that we both can access.

I hope this makes sense, I'm just struggling with the technology side and hes not really helping much either. Any suggestions so we can both see their screen time, set limits etc

I'm not sure what you mean about "one email", if this is just about emails I'm pretty suee any child vaguely savvy can set up their own email account (even without the parents knowing) and probably set up their own xbox accounts.

Was there actual content that you objected to, or is this more about preventing issues in the future ? If your kids are teenagers there are limits to how much you can control them. If you want to limit their screentime the easiest way is to physically remove access (for instance, remove the Xbox controllers after a certain time).

Hard to do if the same platform isn’t applicable across the board I.e. all Apple or all Microsoft. Best case scenario it is one email account that you both have the email password for and limits are agreed between the two of you in a that you both say 1 hour is ok and set the limit an neither of you logs on and circumvents the limit based on the child’s asking

I have a similar situation.

Email AFAIK does not have 'limits'

What tech does he have, what gadgets does he access it from and what security measures have you installed? Do you periodically check all his devices to ensure he's not circumvented anything? The later part of your post suggests you don't really understand the controls, their uses and their limitations.

And yes, you do need to understand this better, or accept you don't and that your XH is acting responsibly by installing a device-based filter on your DD's phone. He can't change the filter to white-list a website that you want to allow access to without having the device in his hands.

Filters all have their limitations (blocking some sites you are OK with, letting a few objections ones through) but they are incredibly useful and it's important to have device based ones for every gadget that goes out of your home.

If you find a site you want is blocked, then she'll just have to access it from one of your devices and she can ask XH to white-list it for the future.