Pregnant and being threatened with court

[Ecwt]

I’m looking for some friendly advice and to hear about similar experiences.
My ex left me when he was found to be having an affair. Blocked me and ran! We never lived together. I’m currently pregnant.
He has messaged saying he is going to pick child up on a Friday and return on a Sunday every other week!
Refusing to give me an address
Believed to live with mother and family members
Smoker
50 miles away from me
I have never met anyone he knows, nor know their names.

I have said he is welcome for unlimited access as is his family, however I breastfed for about 2 years and feel
Overnight in an unfamiliar situation is unreasonable.
He is now saying he taking me to court!
This is obviously worrying me (his intention I believe)

Surely he should be creating a bond? A relationship with them
First?

I’m worried about the financial implications for myself and the stress and uncertainty that this brings.

Anyone who has had similar experience and willing to share anything I’d be grateful

Just so I’ve got it right, this is a child you already have or the one you’re pregnant with?

How old is your child? And do they currently have a relationship with their dad? This will help people give replies

DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. Give the child your surname.

Look up the legal implications of putting him on the BC. It gives him the legal right to everything. You would be cruel to do that to a baby when their sperm donor is feckless and threatening.

Answer "lol, work away". And wait for a letter that will never come. Because the baby is not an entity yet. Its like trying to force the ownership of a racehorse you haven't bought (and doesn't exist).

After the birth, if his name is NOT on the BC then he has ZERO legal rights. So he can go whistle.

OP said she breastfed for 2 years. This makes me think this is about an existing child, not the one she's pregnant with

There is no way in hell he will get access to a breastfed child overnight. He can rant and shout as much as he likes - and YES, let him take you to court for court-ruled access. They will tell him how it will be - he can't tell you how it will be.

He is shouting and threatening court as if he has any power over you or the courts, - he doesn't. It's empty air. He knows it will hurt you and panic you and co-erce you to do as he says. Call his bluff. I Guarantee he will go away or back down - or if he goes to court, they will not do what he wants, just because he wants it.

DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE AS FATHER. Do not give him PR. Let him go to court for this too.

I’ve got 4 children, but this is his only child with me.
He has a 21 year old with someone and he claims he spent £14000 trying to get access but she kept moving away so he never got to see her??

The baby or a child that is already born? Sorry, I’m still not sure.

Sorry to be clear I am pregnant with his child.
So not been born, but my intention is to breastfeed like my others

He would not get overnight access to a newborn even if they were bottle fed. Let him take you to court and a decent schedule will be agreed. It will take time to build up to overnight. If you have written evidence of offering lots of access but not agreeing to his ridiculous overnights that will be even more helpful.

Just don't put him on the birth cert and ignore him.
Let him take you to court if he wants.

Honestly at this point stop talking to him. He has zero legal say in anything.

I would consider when baby is born registar and give baby your surname before you inform him.

Then offer for him to visit little and often.

If he doesn't want that ler him take you to court. It won't cost you. You can self represent ,he won't get overnight, but assuming he does step up they wouldn't expect no overnights for 2 years if breastfed.

I was given different legal advice on this. My baby is currently 3 months old and I was told that overnights would not be expected before the child is one. I was told contact would be little and often for example 1 to 2 hours over 2 or 3 days a week.

However I was told that if I went to court and the judge felt that I was using breastfeeding as a way to prevent overnights after the age of one the judge would not look favourable on this especially if the father turns up for all his visitations during the first year.

You need to get legal advice on this but from the advice I was given the courts do not think the benefits of breastfeeding after one outweighs the benefit of time with the father.

I hope the advice you get is more favourable for you but from my experience the courts want fathers to have the same.rights as mothers.

let him take you to court.

Him taking you does not give him any special advantages. The process is the same regardless who is taking who. CAFCASS will get involved and make their recommendations. If he has a bit of a hsitory and no suitable place to facilitate contact of a newborn- never mind an odler child- then he is not going to get very far.

Loads of men makes threats like this. The court does not bow to their demands. The court does not bow to emotional blackmail.

tell him to go wild.

oh yeah and do NOT put him on the birth certificate. Please please.

Dont engage. Dont out him on b/c. He can do that via court. And. obviously, the baby gets your surname.

Keep all communication via a way it can be kept, so text or email.

How many weeks pregnant aRe you?

If you are worried it might be worth going to a solicitor just for a one off appointment to talk through the possibilities. Put your mind at rest.

(Don't put him on the birth certificate). Youcan't do anything without his interference if you do.

Thanks everyone
Had some great legal advice today

So ready if he sees fit x

He sounds like he's going to be a lot of trouble and I'd be concerned that he forced the mother of his older child to move so many times to get away with him. Nobody's going to put themselves through that unless there are serious safety concerns.

How pregnant are you and are his family or friends local to you? I would tell him I had a miscarriage and shut down all SM accounts. Or tell him the baby's not his.

Don't put him on the birth certificate.

Just don't engage at all until you get a summons

Honestly, why give yourself the stress

Block and ignore

Just block him and concentrate on your pregnancy.. Do not be bullied into agreeing to anything at all. Do not tell him when you give birth. If/when a judge makes an order then you make plans.

Echoing what has already been said

DO NOT PUT HIM ON the birth certificate. Don’t use his surname.

He sounds like trouble down the line so don’t concede anything at all.

@Ecwt

Sorry to be clear I am pregnant with his child. So not been born, but my intention is to breastfeed like my others

Move and block and do not put on BC.

End of.

Do NOT offer unlimited contact -just don't offer ANYTHING.

Smoker -the court won't care.

Just move and block contact totally.

If you're able to move far away, now's the time. Are your other children grown up? Do you have somewhere you could go? You can move a foetus away and establish residency at birth, but not once born. Think carefully as this is your last chance to get a safe distance away.