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Original poster

Ex being difficult

11 replies

Cmj93 · 14/11/2020 11:42

Hi, first post on here I am just wanting a little clarification On if I am being unreasonable. Me and little ones dad separated around 8 months ago when I was 5 months pregnant. Baby is now 4 months old and I have met someone else. Baby’s dad is making such a big deal about it and making threats and saying I can only spend time with my partner when I don’t have little one. He goes to his dads once a week so this is not possible to build a relationship with partner seeing one day a week. Am I being totally unreasonable for allowing myself to be happy again? They are suggesting that I needed to wait until baby was older! Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 14/11/2020 11:45

Legally he has no right to tell you what to do. However, it's understandable he feels a bit put out that someone you really don't know very well is with his baby so much more often than he is.

Original poster
Cmj93 · 14/11/2020 11:49

@Doyoumind

Legally he has no right to tell you what to do. However, it's understandable he feels a bit put out that someone you really don't know very well is with his baby so much more often than he is.
He has been a family friend for a lot of years so isn’t a stranger to me. I totally understand that he will be upset about it initially I have acknowledged that. However he does have children of his own so will not be around all the time and will never be around to replace my children’s fathers. I just think it is inappropriate for him to be making threats of violence towards him because it makes communication and things difficult for me and baby’s dad
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Scottishskifun · 14/11/2020 11:55

Your ex cannot demand anything.

However I suggest thinking about it the other way around would you feel comfortable the other way around of your baby spending time with a new partner of your exs. If the answer is no then I suggest taking it slowly and building it up.

If you would be comfortable with it then you can simply reply with I understand your concern however I am still going to live my life. Any threats of violence should be nipped in the bud with the any threats will be taken to the police and if your violent then this doesn't bode well for potential concerns about him with the baby. A HV or social worker would raise concerns about violent behaviour.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 14/11/2020 11:55

Don't get into a conversation about it.

If he says anything just message/say that you are only willing to discuss your child.

Answering him, or defending yourself will only make him continue, so you need to shut it down.

He can't tell you who to see, but you need to remember that you also have no say if he has another woman around your baby either.

titchy · 14/11/2020 12:01

Your ex has no say over who you Cs or can't see. But really - you've got a 4 month old and a new bloke. And seeing new bloke once a week isn't enough to form a relationship. Love, slow down. If you do have to have a bloke around, once a week is perfect.

Original poster
Cmj93 · 14/11/2020 12:16

@Scottishskifun

Your ex cannot demand anything.

However I suggest thinking about it the other way around would you feel comfortable the other way around of your baby spending time with a new partner of your exs. If the answer is no then I suggest taking it slowly and building it up.

If you would be comfortable with it then you can simply reply with I understand your concern however I am still going to live my life. Any threats of violence should be nipped in the bud with the any threats will be taken to the police and if your violent then this doesn't bode well for potential concerns about him with the baby. A HV or social worker would raise concerns about violent behaviour.

I wouldn’t have an issue with it. People move on. I had heard on the grapevine that he had a new partner. And never gave my opinion on it. I have told him any violence is gonna be dealt with by the police.
OP posts:
Original poster
Cmj93 · 14/11/2020 12:18

@titchy

Your ex has no say over who you Cs or can't see. But really - you've got a 4 month old and a new bloke. And seeing new bloke once a week isn't enough to form a relationship. Love, slow down. If you do have to have a bloke around, once a week is perfect.
When I sleep eat and breath my children I think I deserve to have a little adult conversation when I like when I’m not hurting anyone. He doesn’t come to my house to look after my children for me and play daddy. He comes to spend time with me on an evening when the children are settled and in bed/sleeping. Just because I’m a mum of a 4 month old baby doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be happy and content in a relationship does it?
OP posts:
titchy · 14/11/2020 13:40

Of course you deserve to be happy and content. I just wonder why you need a bloke, why aren't you happy and content without one.

Original poster
Cmj93 · 14/11/2020 13:48

@titchy

Of course you deserve to be happy and content. I just wonder why you need a bloke, why aren't you happy and content without one.
I am content and happy without one, but it’s a part of life that I miss. And I didn’t go out looking for it it just happened..
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Wannabegreenfingers · 14/11/2020 13:52

He can't tell you as other's have said, but yes, slow down. Your baby is only four months old. Focus on them. I say this as a single parent to two children.

Do I miss the company of a partner, absolutely, but I get four days a month when they go to their Dad's, During that time I have to maintain my family and friends. Once a week in such a new relationship is plenty of time.

You mention other children. Are they old enough to understand your situation?

Original poster
Cmj93 · 14/11/2020 14:37

@Wannabegreenfingers

He can't tell you as other's have said, but yes, slow down. Your baby is only four months old. Focus on them. I say this as a single parent to two children.

Do I miss the company of a partner, absolutely, but I get four days a month when they go to their Dad's, During that time I have to maintain my family and friends. Once a week in such a new relationship is plenty of time.

You mention other children. Are they old enough to understand your situation?

I also have a daughter who is 4. She actually dances with partners daughter too so them 2 know each other.. it is a fairly new relationship in terms of intimacy but he has been a family friend for a lot of years
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