Custody schedule for a 2 year old

[tillypoppy]

Hi everyone. I won’t bore you with the history but I’ll just tell you the custody schedule me and my daughters dad have at the moment is just not doing her any good and I’m trying to work out what will be best for HER while at the same time trying to maintain the amount of time she currently spends with her dad.

Can anyone share what their schedule is and if it works?

I’m just finding it all a bit messy for her, she’s suddenly not sleeping, having massive tantrums at bedtime and nap time and so far I’ve been really lucky she has always loved bed. She’s very clingy and waking in the night screaming for me for no reason other than she just wants me with her. Unlike her totally. There is a court order in place but as contact is still fairly new it’s still not set in stone as we (along with social services) continue to figure out what will be best for her.

She is 100% enjoying her time with her dad it’s not that I’m concerned she doesn’t like it. It’s the schedule that’s wrong. There’s just no security with it for her.

I hope that makes sense! Any suggestions welcome thank you.

What is the current schedule which appears to be wrong?

I think the fact Ss are involved and she is clingy , unusual behaviour, sets my alarm bells ringing

Obviously based on very little information but listen to your gut feelings

Why are SS involved?

Current schedule is ...

Tuesday 12-6
Thursday 12-6

Following week...
Tuesday overnight
Thursday 12-6
Saturday 9-6

It’s a weird schedule because ss were supporting handovers for a while which meant we had to do Tuesday and Thursday. They aren’t doing that any more my mum does it so the Saturday has just been introduced. XH doesn’t work so he’s flexible.

Ss are involved due to a long drawn out court case about contact, involving domestic abuse. I didn’t allow him contact because of it so when the court ordered contact they asked ss to support it as my daughter hadn’t met him yet. I’m unable to communicate with him because of the abuse, so they support with that as well. Passing on information that kind of thing.

They’ve popped in on him unannounced a few times while he’s had our daughter and every time she’s been perfectly happy so they have no safeguarding concerns for her.

By the sounds of it you would be best doing every other weekend overnight ie Friday-Sunday and one night midweek which will minimise the amount of contact you both have with each other due to multiple back and forth. When she starts school, you could then move it to be Friday from school to Monday morning taking her to school and the midweek be again using school as the handover place. This way you don't need to do handovers in person. Given SS agree no safeguarding concerns and you yourself admit she's perfectly happy with him this would be the logical next step.

We do 50-50 with school as the handover point with a communication book in place were either house note anything that needs to be ie health, important dates, behaviour. Works well for us but the book doesn't work for everyone.