Will he get 50% custody?

[Fran1997]

I have a 14 month old baby girl. Her father and I separated a few weeks after she was born. He was awful to me and I just knew I needed him gone so we separated I won’t bore you with the details. When we first separated he was seeing her a few times a week this didn’t last long he then started to cancel or rearrange visits or make excuses. I think In total we have had 3 different visitation arrangements that we have both said we can stick too (we worked it out between us not with court or mediation) it was usually one or two nights a week and then he would have her for the day aswell. Every time there was excuses weather it be he was unwell or tired or working or had university work or car broken down or whatever. During the first lock down he didn’t have any normal visits he refused to have her in his home because he was scared of her infecting him and his girlfriend so instead he agreed to taking her out on a walk for an hour twice a week in the push chair. Despite the fact the guidelines said children are still allowed to have their usual arrangements with separated parents. A few months ago he told me he was moving a few hours away with his girlfriend and in doing this he left his job and didn’t have anything lined up. He’s always refused to help me with money by recently I had to ask him again and say I just really need some help as she is getting expensive now. I’m back in work with childcare and things. He’s now saying he is going to get 50/50 custody and he will get it he’s always said when he’s finished uni he wants her for half the time which I think is hugely unfair because it makes me feel like he's just letting her sit there and wait until he decides he wants her that amount all the while she's establishing a routine and bond with me in our home so it would just be awful to take her away from that after years of that being her normal. But now I’m very worried he will get 50/50 custody if he ever moves back to my area. I have a house and a job and a partner and we plan to move to a bigger house soon and my daughter has only ever lived with me and I think it would be hugely traumatic for her to be taken away from me for half of all time. I will never stop him seeing her and never have but does anyone have any advice or know anything about this sort of situation? I don’t take drugs I don’t go out and leave my daughter with people much I don’t have any criminal record or anything that might make me seem like a bad parent. Will he be able to take her from me? Please help. Sorry I am aware most of you probably have read my other posts that are about this situation I’m just so worried and don’t know any other mothers in this situation so I have no one to help me.

P.S Also it’s been 2 months since he last saw her due to him moving away. He doesn't have a job but when he did he still refused to help me with money So I’m hoping if it went to court people could see he isn’t consistent enough to have 50/50 custody. I don’t want to seem like I don’t want him to see her I really do I just know she won’t want to go with him for that much time. During the last lock down he didn’t see her for around 3 weeks and she would cry when I would hand her over for their walks. So I know it doesn’t take her long to forget him and lose the bond. I can’t do it to her it would break my heart sending her away with him Thank you I'm so sorry for the long message xxxxxxx

I doubt he’ll get 50/50. If you have the messages about him being flakey about having her, you’re onto a winner. I doubt his new gf would want 50/50 and if he’s moved away it’s not good on his part.
Let him waste money on solicitors fees. He’ll only want 50/50 because if he gets a job after Uni he’s probably thinking he’ll have to pay maintenance, but if he had her 50/50 he’s thinking he’ll dodge it.
He sounds a lousy dad.

Tricky one and I do feel for you, it's very hard thinking of your child away from you.

Some professional advice would be worth getting from a solicitor who specialises in family law.

Personally I'd wait until he actually makes a formal move to see DD more. At the moment it seems like a lot of talk. However be aware that if his name is on the birth certificate then he does have parental responsibility and therefore could and arguably should have access to his DD.

Separate the money issue out from the access issue. Chase him down for this formally via CMS.

I am more than happy to come to an arrangement for him to have access I don't want them to not know eachother so far the only person who has stopped his contact is himself I have all the messages thank god. I'm just so frustrated that I'm 22 and pregnant and work night shifts just because that's what we have to do as parents and he's 34 and has no job or anything he's so lazy I hate how one day he could get her 50% of the time after 14 months of me putting all the work and money and love into her. It's the best thing I've ever done of course but his attitude makes me feel like he sort of thinks when he's good and ready he can start to call the shots but I feel as a parent you can't pick it up and drop it just because of a part time online uni course. he also didn't work at all during my pregnancy but I'm not sure if that's relevant he's worked for about 8 months from the time I became pregnant to now. I know I'm slagging him off more than anything it just seems so unfair that this could happen to my family that I've built. And I do understand the courts will do what is best for her but I don't think being with him for 50% of the time will be good for her not after she's only ever lived with me. If understand if we had only just split up and he had lived with her her whole life but he lived with her for a few weeks and then went and wasn't consistent with the visits from then on really. I'm going to have to go to see a solicitor. Thank you ladies for listening to be ranting on I really appreciate your messages xxxx

I totally get it. When my DD was 2 she had to go to America to be with her Dad, now that was hard. 6 years later and he can't be arsed with her and has dropped her completely as he has a new wife and kids.

Sweeping generalisation but from the sound of your ex he's all talk and no action. When he actually has to deal with her and all that comes with a toddler I suspect he'll change his tune.

if all he can be arsed to do in lockdown is a couple of walks in the pushchair.... do you really think he will look after her, or do you think his girlfriend will want to look after her 50% of the time?

sometimes they say these things to hurt you.

I think this is about money, make sure you evidence his flakiness (make a timeline on a word document).

It won’t be difficult to make the court understand it will be distressing for your baby to be away from you so I would not worry about it but you do need to do your homework and make a good evidence based case and position statement, good kuck

At this point leave him to it.

Document every time he cancels let’s her down
Get this stuff in writing. Do not push for contact.

If he can’t be bothered to see her he is unlikely to take you to court