Really need some guidance

[Tairbear]

I'm in a difficult place so please don't be to harsh

Currently expecting baby girl just after Christmas. The farther and I had a rocky relationship and was very on and off. I became pregnant stupidly during locked down #1. Once I realised I we were expecting I came off all my mental health medication very quickly and became angry, hositel and unbearable to live with. There were a few domestic incidents resulting in the police removing him from my home.

I became involved with mental health team again and now am steady and functional on new medication that isn't harmful to the baby.

However this baby's dad had not stopped contacting me, even after blocking and being practically begged to leave me alone. He hasn't supported this pregnancy at all. Purely only interested in a relationship. To which Iv always declined, my reasons are that there in no partnership- I am his mother and career. He doesn't work, drive, have a place to live and his behaviour is selfish. I explain all this to him, there is no acknowledgment or will to change. Once my grievances are explained to him, he than has a strop doesn't contact again for a few weeks and then starts the whole "we need to be a family" again.

I already have a 5 year old to a different man, whom I have been through a very rough custody battle with and it's taken a long time to heal from. However me and my son are finally settling and coming through the other side. And selfishly I'm enjoying it just being me and him at the moment.

Like I said he not supported in any tangible way during the pregnancy. He knew I had a massive reduction of income as a lot of people have this year. However has only brought the baby bed and not given me a penny more.

Also he had tried to involve a every service possible, with fake 'concerns' that Iv had to go through the ringer to disprove. Such as social services.

It's not long until I give birth now and he is getting to me via email to say he's 'gone legal'. What the hell do I do? He's behaved like a sperm donnor and I'm treating him a such. I wish I had the funds to do a moon light flip but that won't solve anything.

If I don't respond to emails From him I get treatned with calling the police to check I'm ok

block him on everything. do not respond. he has no legal hold over the baby that isnt born yet! Or wont if you do the below!..

do not give the child his surname or put the father on the birth certificate

simple as that. Dont even respond out of guilt either!

Let him call the police (would he actually?). It might be quite helpful for you to have a chat with them and tell them what he's like.

Ok, just to play devils advocate here...

You became angry, hostile and unbearable to live with. And this guy presumably doesn't know you too well and had to go through the ordeal of that.

You say he's not got a job and has not supported you? Presuming you mean financially, yet he bought a bed? Not too bad for someone without a job. As you don't want to see him and have been unbearable to him how else could he support you.

Don't get me wrong, I understand you don't want a relationship with him, but clearly he wants some sort of involvement with his child? He's throwing the old 'going legal' at you because he's desperate and doesn't have another way to get your attention.

I don't know either of you but if it was me I would be desperate to know my child and have some input. Blocking him and not putting his name on the certificate as someone else has put is cruel and childish. You're also denying your unborn child of the opportunity to know their farther and family.

Though it's impossible for us lot to totally empathise what either of you are going through we can at least be objective. Just try have an adult convo. Tell I'm there's no future in a relationship between the two of you but you want to work with him so he can have input where the child is concerned. Give him an opportunity... if he messes it up then that's on his head not yours.

I hope that helps and good luck