Babies father doesn’t want to know.

[Tlhxx]

Hey,
So I’m 22 and currently 6 weeks pregnant.

I’m not with the babies father as we was just seeing each other but I do really like him. Anyway I told him I was pregnant and he said he wasn’t ready to have a baby yet and he didn’t want me to go through with the pregnancy and to get a termination. He said he knows it’s a big thing but he will be there for me and help me get through it mentally.
I did consider it, made an appointment etc but I just couldn’t go through with it.

So now he’s told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me or the baby. I’ve said this is fine and I don’t expect anything from him, I can do this alone as I have great support around me but I just can’t stop wondering if he might change his mind later on in my pregnancy or when the baby is born about having something to do with the baby?

Has anyone been in a similar position?

How did it turn out for you?

PFA x

Take him at his word here, OP, and:

1. Give baby your surname
2. Don't put him on the birth certificate (you won't be able to do this anyway unless he wants to come with you to register the birth).
3. Claim child support from him.

I'd also be quite thankful for this if I were you. Judging by the stories on here, having to deal with the dad sounds like it carries a lot of potential for stress.

The PP has given you excellent advice. I'd just add that you need to keep your distance now so no begging, pleading, sending scan photos to him or his mum, no birth updates, no but I need a new car seat etc. Find the support you need elsewhere..

Take him at his word. My HUSBAND told me the same. His DS is now 2.5 and has never met him. At your age, honestly I'd think long and hard about being a single mum. It can be challenging.

@Rtmhwales

Take him at his word. My HUSBAND told me the same. His DS is now 2.5 and has never met him. At your age, honestly I'd think long and hard about being a single mum. It can be challenging.

I have thought about my options, I am scared to be a single mum and didn't really want to bring my child up outside of a relationship but I do have plenty of friends and family for support so I'll never be alone. I went to my termination appointment but I physical couldn't go through with it but it does cross my mind abit, I just don't want to regret it and for it to seriously ruin my MH

@KiriAndLou

Take him at his word here, OP, and:

1. Give baby your surname
2. Don't put him on the birth certificate (you won't be able to do this anyway unless he wants to come with you to register the birth).
3. Claim child support from him.

I'd also be quite thankful for this if I were you. Judging by the stories on here, having to deal with the dad sounds like it carries a lot of potential for stress.

Not having to deal with a baby dad was one of my pros on my list, I can bring my child up how I like, don't have to answer to anyone else etc. Ino being a single mum is going to be stressful but then on the other hand so would dealing with a baby father I suppose

@blackcat86

The PP has given you excellent advice. I'd just add that you need to keep your distance now so no begging, pleading, sending scan photos to him or his mum, no birth updates, no but I need a new car seat etc. Find the support you need elsewhere..

I have him on social media, I won't be posting my pregnancy online as I want to keep it between myself and immediate family etc. Should I still remove him off here or just leave it as there isn't any bad blood really we haven't argued he's just stated he doesn't want anything to do with us

I had 2 dc whilst in a marriage. My dc rarely see their dad now (he turned out to be an abusive asshole) but I am tied to him forever through the dc.

Please consider that one way or another, this man will be in and out of your life forever if you proceed with this pregnancy. It will affect any new relationship you have, and it is your dcs right to have a relationship with both parents - not having one parent around WILL affect the dc no matter what support you have in place bitter experience

Yes remove him from your social media.
He stated he doesn't want anything to do with ye. So cut him out.
What a cold hearted bastard but good to know his true colours this early so good riddance to this bad un.

@TinkerPony

Yes remove him from your social media. He stated he doesn't want anything to do with ye. So cut him out. What a cold hearted bastard but good to know his true colours this early so good riddance to this bad un.

I'm going to do this now. He said I'm wrong for bringing a child into this world when there's only one parent and now I'm feeling guilty and wondering if this would seriously affect my child? 😓

@KiriAndLou

Take him at his word here, OP, and:

1. Give baby your surname
2. Don't put him on the birth certificate (you won't be able to do this anyway unless he wants to come with you to register the birth).
3. Claim child support from him.

I'd also be quite thankful for this if I were you. Judging by the stories on here, having to deal with the dad sounds like it carries a lot of potential for stress.

How long were you seeing each other before you got pregnant

Why weren't you using birth control

How old is he OP

@Anordinarymum
About 5 months, sorry I forgot to mention I was on birth control.. the pill I’m really good at taking it and never had problems before now 😞
He is 23

Honestly, yes it will affect your child not seeing their father. The effect doesn’t have to be negative though. Be honest with your child, he wasn’t ready to be a parent and chose not to be part of their life, don’t lie but don’t be anything other than factual - no negativity or ‘slagging’ him off.

At the end of the day millions of kids have only one parent in their life, a great deal of those are happy and absolutely fine. It’s how you handle it that’s going to make the difference.

You want this and you can do this. You have support here and in real life. 💐💐💐

He said I’m wrong for bringing a child into this world where there’s only one parent

He should have thought about that before having sex with you without using a condom (if this is what happened). He was equally responsible for birth control. When the sperm entered your body, it ceased to be under his control.

I’m feeling guilty and wondering if this would seriously affect my child

In an ideal world all children have 2 fully engaged parents. But we know this isn’t true. Young single mums can make very good parents. You are looking for advice on a parenting site. You have a lot of real life support. That’s a good start to becoming a good enough mum. There are lots of very helpful posters on here and you will get a lot of support if / when you need advice in the future. It will not be easy. You are perhaps going to have to adjust your goals in life for now. There is no need to feel guilty. Better to be aware of how you parent and look for help if you’re struggling.

@OzziePopPop

Honestly, yes it will affect your child not seeing their father. The effect doesn’t have to be negative though. Be honest with your child, he wasn’t ready to be a parent and chose not to be part of their life, don’t lie but don’t be anything other than factual - no negativity or ‘slagging’ him off.

At the end of the day millions of kids have only one parent in their life, a great deal of those are happy and absolutely fine. It’s how you handle it that’s going to make the difference.

You want this and you can do this. You have support here and in real life. 💐💐💐

No I would never say a bad word to my child about him and tbh the door is open for him if he ever wants to make contact in the future, I would never deny contact.

Thank you so much, I just want to feel like I'm doing the right thing so I can start to enjoy my pregnancy

He thought you were on the pill so this was unplanned and you are both so young. How do you know the relationship would last? At your age you should be having fun, not bringing a baby into the world single handed.

On the other hand if you want to keep the baby listen to the advice on here.

Ozzie made a good point about the father. Your baby will benefit look for a decent father figure, who can be in your child’s life long term. That could be a brother or uncle, friend etc. Be aware of the damage that a series of boyfriends, who become dad for a while then disappear are very damaging. Be very careful about introducing anyone new. Minimum 6 month stable relationship.

@Mummyoflittledragon I have two older brothers who I am close to who will always be in my child's life. I am aware from people I know about different men being around will be damaging to children and this definitely won't be happing

My ex walked out on me when I was 8 weeks pregnant and was horrifically abusive throughout the pregnancy over messages...it was an awful time for me...he came back the week I was due and he has now f**ked off and the baby is 3 months old...it breaks my heart that I gave him an opportunity to be there for her and he threw it in my face.

Think.long and hard about this..I love my little girl more than anything but its hard...you might have a lot of support but at the end of the day it will be just you and your baby at night...you will be tied to this man and it will always be on your mind when will he come back and if he does will he stick around

Can you afford a child with no support though, plus 24/7 is hard you'll have no breaks.

You mention two older brothers. They may help you out support their younger and only sister.
Do your brothers have kids? Live nearby. If so great cousins, support each other. If not no worries im sure they will look out for you.

I'm a single mum and he disappeared when I was a few weeks pregnant and the only thing I regret is letting him have a chance when she was born, which just ended up causing a lot of stress and he didn't stick around anyway once I moved to our permanent house. I should have gotten myself very stable and settled into the new lifestyle first before even letting him have that chance.

Only you know what is the right thing to do, but sounds like if you do what he wants, you'll be doing it for him and it feels as though you're at a place where you need to start making decisions for YOU rather than anyone else. So make the decision which will make you the most happy.