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Original poster

What is it that makes you so proud to be a single parent..

27 replies

Pebbledashery · 03/11/2020 16:13

I've been by definiton a single parent for the past 5 months.. But really and truly I've always been a single parent because my ex was a waste of space who didn't do one single thing.
So. It dawned on me the past few days that no matter how much I struggle, emotionally, financially, physically... My daughter is happy and she's safe and she's healthy. I felt super proud yesterday when she got home from nursery and had her nightly routine of eating two yoghurts before bed time.. She got her little chair from the kitchen and stood on it by the sink ready to wash her hands. She got her own spoon out of the drawer and opened the fridge and got her own yoghurt and went to the dining table.. She got a place mat and sat down with it and opened her yoghurt.. She's 2 years old. My heart wanted to burst.
What has made you feel proud to be a single parent?

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trogladite · 04/11/2020 08:04

What a lovely thread:)

My ex fucked off with another woman a week before lockdown. I had a 10 week old baby and a 3 year old and we did awesome stuff EVERY day and theyre so happy. I taught her to read (i am a teacher though tbf) and now she writes me little notes at school and brings them back. Im so dam proud of how i coped and thrived in the face of insanity!

canigooutyet · 04/11/2020 08:31

My ex fucked off years ago.
Every achievement at school. Passing driving tests, promotions, company shares.

I was seriously ill last year and I was so proud how they all came together to support each other and look after their younger sibling. There were alternative for him, but my older ones just wouldn't have it.

audweb · 04/11/2020 08:35

My ex was like yours. Even when we were together he was useless. He’s never turned up for parents evening, nativity plays, he’s never forked out for uniform or clothes, holidays etc. So I’m proud that I’ve raised a delightful, hard working, kind hearted, friendly little girl. She is a joy. And I did it through PND as well. I think when their dads are so useless, we should be proud of ourselves. I’ve never stopped him from seeing her, I actively encourage it, and never bad mouth him but he just never steps up to his responsibilities.

Bubbletrouble43 · 04/11/2020 08:44

Lovely thread. I brought up dd1 alone, her dad was.... Unreliable... Though he became a more solid ( weekend only) parent figure later on in her life. She's 22 now, has always been a sweet and lovely girl who makes me proud, and graduated from Uni last December. At her graduation I was full ugly crying, I don't know what came over me! Proudest and best I've ever felt ( though not looked!)

Bubbletrouble43 · 04/11/2020 08:46

@audweb they work it out for themselves in the end. I've never badmouthed dd1s dad, but she turned around to me last year( aged 31) and said " you did it all mum, dad wasn't really up to much, was he ?" ... they know.

Bubbletrouble43 · 04/11/2020 08:51

*aged 21

MoodieMare · 04/11/2020 08:54

Some days I'm just proud I managed to keep her alive for 16 years 🤣
But I'm proud of her because she's shaping up to be a caring, loving and responsible young adult, with a good work ethic.
I can't take all the credit, my mum and siblings have been like her other parent at times between them, she may not have always had what she wanted, but she's always had what she needed.
Her dad did, in fairness, buck his ideas up a couple of years ago, because he realised he was losing her and as she was old enough to communicate with him herself, he couldn't blame me anymore.

Nosnogginginthekitchen · 04/11/2020 09:01

I don't, atm. Ex fucked off a year ago and is doing phenomenal work as Disney day. All I get is drudgery and treats from both of them about how much they miss daddy. I feel tired all the time. I'm struggling to get work. I love them so much but I just don't have the physical or mental energy to do all the fun stuff daddy does. I'm so proud of both of them and like PP he was useless eden he was here, so I got them this far and I'm proud of that but I'm not proud of myself right now.
Sorry to bring the thread down. I want intending to but its been a tough few days and it all just got too much.

Nosnogginginthekitchen · 04/11/2020 09:02

*Disney dad
*wasn't intending to

canigooutyet · 04/11/2020 09:10

Nosnogging
Things were like that in the early days. It's soul destroying.
The only thing that got me through was constantly reminding myself it won't last. Disney dad would either get fed up or the kids would eventually see through it.

Disney dad gave up after about 18 months. And as a pp said, since then they have said how useless he was, or words to that effect.

One did ask me how I never called them out for being ungrateful brats, and how I managed to remain to calm about him. One of the things that pissed them off back then turned out he was bad mouthing me.

Nosnogginginthekitchen · 04/11/2020 09:16

Thank you. They're amazing little people and I feel so sad that they're sad. I was in tears at the weekend because my son couldn't have both his parents together and he just cuddled me and told me that he was ok even though he was sad. For an 8 year old he is so empathetic and emotionally literate and that is all me. My 5 year old is the same, very caring, tells me to take deep breaths if I'm crying. I hate that they've seen me so sad but I love that we all support each other and they know that their love is enough when someone is sad. I am proud of them. And I'm proud of me, too.
I've had some coffee and a stern word with myself now. Thank you. As you were.

feelingdizzy · 04/11/2020 09:20

16 years a single parent my kids are now 17 and 18 , they had minimal contact with their dad and for a few years none . He paid nothing.
Honestly I'm bloody proud of it all , I worked hard retrained and have a good career which provides for us all.

my kids are lovely, kind happy loving young people who are following their own dreams at college and uni.
Some days (years) were so tough I didn't think I could do it but I did this is actually making me cry thinking how far we have come .

As someone who had also brought their kids up on their own, said to me about 15 years ago, it's a life of quiet bravery . Stay brave everyone .

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 04/11/2020 09:46

@Nosnogginginthekitchen you know you have your right to feel this way, it is extremely difficult raising a child alone, I don't know how I manage it most days. You are your children's world :) and you are the one bringing them up on your own, disney dad doesn't mean a single thing in my eyes. You should feel proud of yourself :) I'm proud of all the single parents out there for giving up their lives to raise their children.. I doubt our exes would do that!

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Original poster
Pebbledashery · 04/11/2020 09:47

@MoodieMare haha I know what you mean, some days I am proud just to get to the end of the day !

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Original poster
Pebbledashery · 04/11/2020 09:50

@Bubbletrouble43 hehe ugly crying! :P I love that. You must be suuuuuuuuuuuuper proud :)
I can't wait to experience all these things with my little girl.. I feel so proud of her every single day, she's so grown up for a 2 year old. I had to leave a very abusive relationship and on the days where I was so upset with the way my life was, she would wipe my tears away and sometimes she got a blanket and put it around my shoulders and kissed my forehead and stroked my hair.. I can't believe she's mine sometimes.. but I know she's a reflection of the way I am bringing her up and that's what makes me feel so proud and gets me through a bad day and that's what I think we should all be proud of.. our children are a reflection of us :)

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purpleme12 · 04/11/2020 10:03

I like reading this thread

I'm not sure I feel proud of myself really. I'm a single parent and do it all myself. But I'm not sure I have the confidence to feel proud of myself. She's hard work at the minute and sometimes i feel like I'm losing her because she doesn't need me like before (she's 7). I don't know.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 04/11/2020 10:06

@purpleme12 I think it's peaks and troughs isn't it, we all go through stages and it's nothing to feel bad about. Some days I feel like a hideously cr*p mum for not spending enough time playing with DD and having to do chores and washing and whatnot!
The fact you are doing it on your own is enough to be proud of :) that little girl only has you and your her world xx

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Babdoc · 04/11/2020 10:12

DH died when our DDs were both still in nappies. Our nearest relatives lived 250 miles away, and I never remarried.
I raised them on my own, while working as a hospital doctor. I had one weekend away from them in their entire childhood.
They’re now 29 and 31, both graduates, home owners and in good relationships.
Looking back, it was very hard and lonely, but I’m proud of producing two loving, intelligent, thoughtful, confident adults that I’m sure DH would have been delighted with too.

purpleme12 · 04/11/2020 10:25

[quote Pebbledashery]**@purpleme12* I think it's peaks and troughs isn't it, we all go through stages and it's nothing to feel bad about. Some days I feel like a hideously crp mum for not spending enough time playing with DD and having to do chores and washing and whatnot!
The fact you are doing it on your own is enough to be proud of :) that little girl only has you and your her world xx[/quote]
Thank you xx

Hantie · 04/11/2020 10:28

I wanted to comment as the child of a lone parent, with three close friends who are too (we all grew up together).

It's only as adults that we now appreciate how tough it was for our mums completely on their own juggling everything at all times and we are all beyond proud of them.

You all have so much to feel proud about, and when your DC are older they will genuinely be in awe of it all.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 04/11/2020 10:31

@hantie aww your comment bought a tear to my eye genuinely because that's how I want my daughter to feel about me one day :) I want her to love me for the way I have bought her up :) your mothers will be sooooo proud of you all.
That's truly such a lovely comment xx

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Pebbledashery · 04/11/2020 10:32

@babdoc I'm proud of you too just by your comment!
That's absolutely amazing and I am sure your daughters are absolutely in awe of you.
It's hard juggling everything, I've gone back to work full time now, I'm in the midst of terrible twos and also potty training and some days I just want to give up.. but I've learnt to muddle through and when I get to the end of the day and sit down on the sofa I know it's another day to be proud of :)

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Pebbledashery · 04/11/2020 10:33

@babdoc and your dear dear husband would have been SO unbelievably proud :) x

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Bubbletrouble43 · 04/11/2020 11:22

My dd made me very proud again only recently, reported a senior 40something year old man for sexual harassment at work. She was a shy timid child, and bullied at primary school. Not sure I would have credited with the confidence to do that. She said she went home and cried but then " found her anger" ( I'm sure she got that phrase from me)... So proud and happy that she is now a young woman who will take no shit.

Babdoc · 04/11/2020 11:23

Thanks, Pebbledashery. I had abusive parents, and DH taught me the meaning of love, and everything I know about how to be a good parent. I still miss him - he was wonderful.
I’m glad you started this thread, as lone mothers need support to feel proud. So often in the press we are vilified as benefit scroungers, or accused of raising delinquents. In truth, most of us deserve a bloody medal! Sending hugs to any other lone mums on here, and my reassurance that there is still life after child rearing.