Christmas

[november90]

Hi all.
Just needing some advice/ideas around Xmas.
I have 2 DS with my ex husband. One is 3 and the other is 5 months. Both live primarily with me, DS2 is only seen by dad in short bursts as I'm BF whilst DS1 has a few overnights which are due to turn to EOW due to ex new job.
Anyway.. trying to agree to a Christmas set up. He said for the next 2 years I can have them Xmas eve but in 2 years he wants Xmas eve and Xmas day until the evening and then alternate years. I told him that I feel they should wake up at home on Xmas day with them being so young but he can see them during the day on Xmas eve, during the day on Xmas day (even take them on the morning if he wished), an overnight on Xmas and all day Boxing Day. Basically I've given him free reign over Xmas but told him that they should wake up at home on Xmas day. My reason behind this is because of how important that was to me as a child. I want them to have their own little traditions and excitement. Also this is their home and they are still so young. They spend most of their time here. DS2 will barely no his Dad after minimal involvement and him walking out on us when I was pregnant. He wasn't even there for the birth. Anyway, that's a different kettle of fish.
I think I've offered fair contact but he's refusing to agree. We live about 15 mins away from each other!!
I'm feeling really upset by this. I compromise all the time for this idiot! He hasn't paid me the correct CM, he's changing childcare all the time because he keeps quitting his jobs, he has been very emotionally and finically abusive to me since walking out on me when I was pregnant. I honestly could write a massive list. I know this isn't relevant but I just want you to know the person I'm dealing with........ controlling!

I wouldn't worry about Christmas in 2 years time at the moment to be honest. Who knows what he will want by then.

Yes this is what my mum says! But after the way he's treated me I just feel like I need to prepare myself. I know what he's capable of!

Well he also has a right to see them wake up and open their xmas presents and establish a xmas tradition with them and see their xmas morning excitement?

Somehow you have to put his Shitty past behaviour behind you and not let that impact on what you want for xmas. He doesn't sound the most reliable anyway and a lot could change in 2 years and you might find he loses interest by then anyway?

My friend is a social worker and she said that as I've offered plenty of time and opportunity for him to see them then that's enough.
I do understand that he has a right to crate Christmas traditions etc but he just picks and chooses what suits him all the time and is so inconsistent. This is something I feel very strongly about and I think I've offered him enough contact over the holidays. Our youngest will be just 2 by then!

It sucks. As the resident parent doing all the day to day stuff. Christmas morning is the highlight of parenting.

It is fair todo alternative Christmas and if it went to court this is what would be documented.

See what 2 years brings. My ex is in a shared house with no room for the kids. So they don't go over night. So it is a moot point for me this year. Next year maybe different.