Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Hi I’m new. Abusive ex & contact

3 replies

tillypoppy · 20/10/2020 19:24

Hi, I’ve ended up here after googling “ex refusing to use contact book”.

He’s sent our child home half dressed in a little sleeveless dress and a silk scarf tied around their neck, nothing written in the book so I have no idea if she had tea or a nap. She’s still very young so can’t tell me just yet. It’s in the current court order that he has to fill in the book. I feel it’s the start of a battle with it. I have had no direct contact with him for years. We’ve got a social worker at the moment who communicates certain things but she’ll be stepping out soon.

I’m so scared things will never just be settled, he won’t stick to the rules and I will just have to accept that on contact days I will have zero idea of if my child is hungry/tired/been ill/hurt herself etc etc. Unless I communicate with him which honestly would tip me over the edge. He is an incredibly abusive man but unfortunately I couldn’t prove that in court so I have no measures in place other than a very understanding social worker. I can’t even be close to him without shaking.

I guess I’m just looking for reassurance really. I know I can’t stop him doing these things, the court won’t help I know that. But will I cope with it? Any tips?

I’ve got two other children with my first husband and that is a completely different experience. We just get on with it and leave each other alone (with the odd blip) I’ve been a lone parent for years so I know it can be a fairly pain free experience but I know it will never be easy with my second husband. All the things that help make co parenting run smoothly just will never work with an abuser.

OP posts:
Hesfamousforit · 22/10/2020 22:52

Hi. I am in a very similar situation. No advise but I just wanted to reach out with some sympathy. Flowers

Augustbreeze · 23/10/2020 13:15

To be honest, the answer to your question is yes, you will have to accept that you can't control or necessarily know those things. How old is yr DD? In a year or two she will be able to tell you some things, or she'll display other signs that the environment at Daddy's does not make her feel secure.

But educate yourself about recording factually every time there's evidence that she hasn't been cared for properly, and take it back to court if necessary.

I know that's really hard, have been there. This is how children's services work unfortunately.

Have you done the Freedom programme and had counselling? Working on yourself is vital too.

ruthet · 23/10/2020 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page