How do I move on?

[HPmummy19]

Hi guys - I need advice!
I am a single mum to a beautiful little 1 year old. Me and my ex broke up when I was 6 months pregnant, he didn't want to be a dad and that was the end of us.
Anyway - my LO is now 15 months and I still let my exP get to me. The title isn't strictly true - I have moved on and am over him, I don't love or have any attraction to him anymore (I fell out of love with him when he bullied me when I was carrying our child!)
But I can't help but still let him get to me and consume my thoughts with his pathetic life - each time he has a new "woman" I find myself comparing myself to them and searching social media and just generally getting myself into a stupid hole of negativity and bitterness. Honestly - I am over him - I couldn't think of anything worse than being in a relationship with him! Our relationship was on the brink before I fell pregnant - we had an up and down 3 year relationship but his treatment towards me during pregnancy was the final straw.
Why do I still let him get to me though? He doesn't have anything to do with my LO - the fact he rejected my son obviously still angers me but I stay positive for my son. But it angers me how he flounces around our hometown (we all live in the same small town) with his new women and he doesn't give his son a second thought? Never contributed financially or so much as sent a card to my son on his birthday or Christmas.
It just angers me, and I go through phases of really letting him get to me and I just don't want to be this way anymore!! He isn't in my sons life, fine, I can deal with that and give my son all my love!! But how do I switch off from that scumbag??
I am a depression/anxiety sufferer so I do get obsessive thoughts when there is something that niggles me - so I get that this is going to be a really hard thing to "untrigger" but any advice is welcome xx

Anyone? 😂🥴 how do you promote posts on here? Really need advice I'm so down today ☹️

This is a slow board I'm afraid. Relationships is busier. I would advise you to go cold turkey. He doesn't want anything to do with your beautiful ds. So there is no need for you to have anything to do with him. Stop looking on social media. Completely blank him if you see him in the street. It gets easier in time.

Cms for child support. Don't let him off the hook with this. This is money for your son. If you don't need it to support him save it for his future.

You're not over him because he's still able to affect you. You need to speak to someone. The only person you are hurting by allowing your thoughts to be consumed by the past is yourself.

You are angry with him and no wonder. As unicorns said put in a child maintenance. To not contribute to your child’s upkeep is abusive. It will get better as time goes by.

I don’t really post on here often as it doesn’t get much people on here. I mainly post in relationships even if it’s an ex it counts imo anyway

I don’t have much advice but I am the same as you as in I don’t want to be with my ex but I still feel bitter that he left me, I think about him every day even though he doesn’t bother with our kids.

@unicornsarereal72 @WINDOLENE @timetest @Givemeabreak88 thank you for your comments!
Any advice on how I stop letting him affect me? I always think I've come over a hurdle when I haven't thought about him for a few weeks then suddenly I go through a phase of thinking about him all day/wanting to search his Facebook and see what he's been up to?! Is this normal or am I being crazy? I wish I could erase him from my head, he has betrayed my son in the worst way possible and doesn't want to see him so I just need to accept it and not let him possess my thoughts anymore... arrrrghhhh.
At the same time - I would LOVE to come face to face with him and tell him exactly what I think of him and how disgusting he is to let down my son so bad! But also don't want to see him disgusting face... it's a catch 22 🤷🏼‍♀️
Thanks for your advice guys x

I'm afraid it is just time. Keep yourself busy. I use to find my ex drifting into my thoughts I would then design my build your own pudding in my head.

I have got to the point I'm meh about him now. But still wonder how he turned into such a useless knob. But that is on him not me. All I can do is be the best parent I can be.

I really don’t know, people say time but it’s been three years for me and I still feel this way! I think it for me it won’t be till I meet someone else, not that I’m saying you need to do that and certainly don’t rush into anything but I can’t see time changing it for me.

Get busy building your life and stop listening to gossip about him. Over time you'll find you care less, you are occupied with more interesting and fulfilling things, that you don't want him taking space up in your head rent free any longer. It takes time, though. It's normal to have the feelings, but just let them pass over you. They are just feelings

Sorry you are going through this, but you are clearly not over him.
When my ex left I had no interest or desire to know where he lived, nor what he was doing or with whom. That is what is called being over him.
Get rid of social media.
The greatest revenge is to live your life well, so perhaps you feel as if yours has stalled....he gets to float off and live the single life whilst you are left holding the baby.
It is hard...make time for yourself, even if it is just little things and be kind to yourself.
Do you have friends and support? Keep yourself busy, occupy your mind, take up a hobby, do some free courses on Future Learn.
Do you work?

@crimsonlake @BoudiccasBoudoir @Givemeabreak88 @unicornsarereal72 yes I work three days a week, i would definitely love to take up a hobby of some sort though! I feel a bit down in the dumps that I have no "get up and go", I've actually just been diagnosed with Gilbert's syndrome which explains a lot about my energy levels and fatigue, but makes me feel like crap because I don't have the energy to be the mum I want to be, and then the vicious cycle of comparing myself to my exP and his partners starts! It's crazy. I always considered myself a confident person but my self esteem is so low lately.
I just want to be the best mum to my son, especially as I have to play both mum and dad.
It also doesn't help that my Ex spreads lies about me and people repeatedly inform me of this - how he DOES intact want to be a dad but I don't let him see his child... utter lies, he has never so much as messaged to ask how his son is. So that's hard, knowing that people are gossiping about me when I have done no wrong to anyone. Even my exP family see my son and are involved in his life, and can't believe their sons actions... even so, I let his vicious lies get to me!
Sorry I am waffling on now!!!

The important people know the truth. Those that believe his lies aren't worth your time or energy.

I am glad work is at least getting you out of the house but you are having a hard time..
I am assuming your ex lives local to you then, but still people should not be passing on gossip. Could you tell them you are not interested in hearing anything? That is the route I go down with anyone who asks about my ex.
I am afraid as most of us have experienced your ex will have a different version of events to yours. I just say keep your head up and ignore, it will eventually get easier.

As others have said, no contact! Literally zero. Pretend he doesn’t exist. With time you will find you don’t even care if you do accidentally hear something about him.

Don’t look at his social media, remove or mute mutual friends, delete the apps if needs be. Tell your friends and family not to to mention him in front of you. Delete old photos. Don’t listen to triggering songs.

I do not love my ex but he still gets to me. I have to have nothing whatsoever to do with him, which is difficult as he sees our daughter.