Moving to a new town with my children-don't know how to negotiate it with ex

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Hi there,

I posted something about this a while ago, and I got a lot of helpful comments in this section.

My ex is so bad. We've been separated for 6 years and just yesterday I had to call the police on him again.

I would not have thought that when I left I would still be having problems 6 years down the line.

We live in the outskirts of London with no family nearby. I want to move an hour away to where my parents live where I'll have a chance of buying a house, and schools are better.

So totally not unreasonable.

I'm scared my ex will block it and try to get full custody of the children. As he works at home now he's arguing he should be having them more.

The police say I need to get a non-molestation order so he can't come onto my street (I live in a cul-de-sac)

Women's aid say I need to get a child contact order so there's no dispute over him keeping children and not giving them back.

But I want to move to a new town as soon as possible. If I do those two things based on where I currently live I worry it will make it harder for me to move.

I just don't know what to do first.

He is the kind of man that will go mental if he thinks I'm trying to move and do all he can to stop children moving too.

He is a former public school boy and always gets on really well in front of the police or in court - it feels like they always end up taking his side despite non- stop unreasonable behaviour.

Any help you can give will be gratefully received!

Get the legal stuff done first....NO question.

I'm just worried that it will be a relatively long process with the non-mol order based on where I live now - and how will that translate to where I'm wanting to move to?

And regarding the children. He would argue as he lives near the school and now works from home he should be having them more- and we'd get locked into something that made it impossible for me to move away with them.

OP have you contacted the NCDV? You can find their number online. They will do the non mol for you free of charge.

Also he won't be able to block you moving an hour away. My ex tried to block me from moving 4 hours away (I already had a non mol) but the courts weren't having it.

If you get it all organised with schools and are doing it for family support reasons you should be fine, I was advised by the solicitor that my ex wouldn't have a legal leg to stand on. He took me to court and was virtually laughed out of court, even his solicitor said he was wasting his time and money

Great thanks so much for your positive stories.

I made the mistake of talking to a lawyer about it last month and she basically talked me out of trying to move and explained all the things she'd advise him to do if he was her client to block me moving.

I just got a call from national domestic abuse helpline and they are doing the non-mol with me. They said it would usually take a week but now takes about a month. Much sooner than the long time I was worrying about.

Apart from the non-mol which will be amazing, I'm just not sure what to do first. Do I just progress with trying to move, eg registering the children for a new school and finding a house, or do I tell him before I do anything, I'm just not really sure.

As long as you're willing to do the hours travel to ensure that his contact isn't compromised/reduced, then in your shoes, I'd plan the move. I assume you're renting, get that sorted. But I wouldn't give your child much notice if they're likely to tell him.
Then arrange the school etc. Technically, as a parent he has the right to make informed joint education and health decisions. An hours travel is unlikely to be refused if he took it to court, but if you get all your ducks in a row, he'd never have the opportunity to do so.

@SoloMummy

As long as you're willing to do the hours travel to ensure that his contact isn't compromised/reduced, then in your shoes, I'd plan the move. I assume you're renting, get that sorted. But I wouldn't give your child much notice if they're likely to tell him. Then arrange the school etc. Technically, as a parent he has the right to make informed joint education and health decisions. An hours travel is unlikely to be refused if he took it to court, but if you get all your ducks in a row, he'd never have the opportunity to do so.

Yes, you do need to have school and everything all arranged first. Find the school, go and visit, arrange a start date, get the uniform etc etc.

Ok thanks a lot for your help. I'll phone the school I'd like them to join on Tuesday as I'm unsure how to manage the school changing process, and they could be at full capacity, which is the case with schools round here.

@earthtopluto

Also he won't be able to block you moving an hour away. My ex tried to block me from moving 4 hours away (I already had a non mol) but the courts weren't having it.

Well actually he possibly can. Courts can’t stop you moving as long as you keep to whatever contact order you have, but courts don’t always go in favour of moving the children away when they’re having to be pulled out of schools and away from friends etc. If he’s working from home and in the position to have them more then he could take the op to court for more contact, plus prevent her from taking the kids out of school.

We moved nearer to ex husband but he worked near us so it meant him going past his home to collect DC from a different county to the one where he lived. Was probably an hour away and his solicitor told him he'd have no chance taking the issue to court.

As for the WFH it's still working, he won't be able to parent them adequately whilst doing his job and he'll have to go back to work at sometime I presume?

Be aware that if you move away there's a good chance the courts will stipulate that you have to do all the ferrying the children to and from his contact time.