Stbxh taking me to court for child access

[clpsmum]

My stbxh is threatening to take me to court for access to the children. To cut a long story short he hasn't seen the children in five months. They are 9, 11 and 14. They do not wish to see him or speak to him. I've been told that dc14 can make up own mind and decide whether to see him or not but different for the other two. My question is are the courts likely to force access upon the other two when it is not what they want? I'm getting myself in a bit of a state about it all tbh.

They might. But I learned the hard way that they need to see their Dad to confirm that he is an absolute bastard. If he hasn't seen them for 5 months I wouldn't expect he'll follow through with the threat. If you do go to court you have to keep everything you say about the children. Not your experience of your xh.

It's my dc's choice not to have contact with him

Why don't they want contact and why haven't they seen him

At 9 and 11 they are too young to decide for themselves they don't want to see their father unless of course he treated them despicably when you were together or treated you badly infront of them?

It's your job as a parent to help him maintain a relationship with them otherwise it comes across as you aren't bothered because it's either convenient to you not to be or because it makes you feel subs consciously like you've "won" because they want to spend all their time with you?

Obviously a lot of assumptions there but you haven't given us much to go off?

yes the courts can insist the young children see their father

I think depends on the reason if you have any chance of sucess,

Do you have evidence of tgeir reasons.

Also how likely is it thats itsanything more than a threat.

It's really not about winning! I would much rather they have a relationship with their father and have always been the one to push this until five months ago. They all decided they didn't want to see or speak to him. He is a bully!

He gaslights them, he has hacked into their consoles and got them banned during lockdown, he was calling and messaging them numerous times a day at all hours of the night and dad and often slagging me off, he never does anything with them they just sit in his place or visit his parents, he is moody with them, he shouts at them and tells them lies about me, I would go on but scared I'll bore you all!

The final straw was he had asked if he could have my youngest dc for an extra night to sleepover one week during lockdown. I asked dc and he wanted to go so I said yes. Stbxh said no of that suits you and is convenient for you just forget it. Obviously dc was upset but it's not an isolated incident and he decided he didn't want to go any more. Stbxh also decided that he only wanted to have one child at a time and none of my dc want to do this.

Sorry if I've been drip feeding I didn't intend to just didn't want to bore you with all the rubbish lol

Poor kids

@NandosPeriometer it's horrible situation. I genuinely feel like it's taking its toll on their mental health

Let him take you to court.
Its a very long process and everything is considered including the children's wishes if appropriate. Make it clear by text or email that the children have made it clear they do not want to have contact with him and list their reasons then leave it at that.

My friend is currently going through this and the child arrangement order was submitted to court in July and the first hearing is not until January 2021.

Courts don't like siblings been split up.

I agree with pp said email reasons.. There words

I would also look at blocking him on kids phone.. if he can still get through change numbers. Passwords on consoles

Let him take you to court. Things will be moving at a snail's pace thanks to Covid
and Child 2 is rapidly approaching an age where their opinion matters. It sounds like Child 3 has concrete reasons why they don't want contact. I would be insisting he sees all or none. Seeing one is not good for the sibling relationship and I'd personally have no problem telling a judge that.

Change all passwords and block him on phones and console. Make sure they are set up via an email that you control so he can't change the password again.

Dc blocked him months ago and I did the same, he now tried calling and withholding his number to try and trick them into speaking to him. DC 2 is disabled with LD but members of his care team have said they will write a report to say that it would not be beneficial to him at this time to see dad. It's just a horrible situation and so sad I feel so sorry for my dc