Advice appreciated - child contact disagreements

[Ifyouarenttheone]

In court with an abusive ex, cafcass in section 7 report said while ex is a moderate risk to dc that there are protective factors therefore contact should be every other weekend with holiday contact too.

I've gone with the suggestions made by cafcass and offered two video calls with ex which he has refused. Ex is stating he want dc every weekend or 3 in 4 weekends as I don't work and dc isnt yet in nursery but will be at the beginning of next year.

It looks like it's going to a final hearing and I just wanted to get an idea of what the judge is more likely to order?

Almost certainly what cafcass recommend as there's no way the judge will go for what your ex is asking for.

The judge was trying to offer ideas, I think this is because she knew if she didn't it would most definitely be a final hearing but it will be anyway. Ex won't even let me video call dc when overnights start even though judge said it would be in her best interest.

You will probably get a court order for what is recommended, for me that was every other weekend and half the time in the school holidays, or an equivalent for children not in school. It will all get written out in the court order. And they'll have to follow the order or you can go back to court.

It takes away the debate of it, they can't chop and change plans. Everyone has to follow the rules.

@Kakiweewee, that is what cafcass recommended for my dc as well along with one video call for ex which he has declined as he said he doesn't see the value in it. I also ask for video contact while dc is away, judge said she thought it was a great idea, ex has said no it puts limits on his day with dc.

Ex still wants 3 out of 4 weekends, but I've said if I want to go away etc I have to then discuss with him and what about my family seeing dc too.

I don't follow the moderate risk comment with protective factors? The courts rarely take risks with children.
Is your ex seeing your DC now? Or was the video call a stepping stone to that?
Judges rarely like people who don't go with any of their ideas so he's probably not doing himself favours. I've never heard of someone getting 3 weekends out of 4 - I'm sure you'll be fine on that.

@ILovesPeanuts, cafcass basically said there is a moderate risk but due to protective factors that they then list which include myself being a protective parent that these factors weigh out the risk of harm to dc. Believe me it baffles and angers me too.

Video contact was during the lockdown, now he sees dc but it was supported and now going to unsupervised overnights. Both cafcass and judge said about video contact he doesn't want this for himself, I however would like to call just to say mummy is still here and loves you. Bearing in mind ex has never done any unsupervised care of dc in their 2 years.

Did anyone else have similar problems with their ex. Ironic thing is when we split because of his behaviour towards dc I said all contact had to either be in a contact centre, which I said id pay half, or to be supervised by one of my family members but that he could have someone present too (like his parents).. instead he decided not to see dc for 4 months.

I stopped communicating directly with him instead went through my sister, he said he wouldn't communicate through a third party about his child and that if it wasn't me then he wouldn't bother.

If the judge and cafcass agree there should be video contact then you should push for it, and if you are sure they're on your side say that you'd like them to consider asking the father for an undertaking (promise) as well as ordering the video call, as a condition for allowing overnights. It is unusual to get video calls to you if the DC away 1 or 2 nights but I'm guessing this might be a protective factor. Sometimes it's viewed as disruptive but sounds like the judge is with you from what you've said.
Just stand your ground if you feel it's the right thing and explain why.

On the communication I guess he's been abusive to you, so you can also stand your ground on that. Or insist it's emails not speaking.

So I nc. @ILovesPeanuts, the judge thought the idea of me calling dc would be brilliant and helps to assure them that mummy hasn't just abandoned them. As with communication, yes he likes to be abusive or make snide comments, belittle me etc.

So no one else has heard of a judge awarding 3 out of 4 weekends, bearing in mind dc will be going to nursery soon and myself fingers crossed back into work. I would have continued with my career if ex hadn't turned abusive.

Your situation sounds v similar to mine. Ex will be having one overnight stay every other week from December. At the moment he’s having 2 afternoons a week and a full day every other Saturday. Our child is 2.
Our final hearing is scheduled for January.

The judge will go with cafcass recommendations. 100%. We have social services involved directly so they are making our recommendations but it’s the same thing really and our judge goes with every recommendation of our social worker.