If your ex lives in shared housing how does contact work?

[Givemeabreak88]

If so how does contact work? My ex lives in a room in a shared house and is saying he wants the kid’s to stay over there? They don’t have a bed and there is 4 of them though he’s only asking to take the 3 older ones. I’ve said no as it isn’t appropriate, am I wrong?

My ex was in a flat with another couple and his gf/ow. He had the kids over night. They were sleeping in with him on floor/camp bed. It wasn't ideal at all but it was one night a fortnight so I didn't make a fuss. Eldest stopped sleep overs rather promptly. Youngest is ok but he rarely had her. He is now in a new house share with 4 others I think and the over nights have stopped. There isn't room I don't think. It isnt ideal in my opinion.

I dont think you are being wrong at all.
Im in the same situation as your ex and wouldn't dream of demanding that my children stay over. Im happy for them to visit and spend some time in the room (homework, games etc) but staying wouldn't be something that I would push for. Whilst as an adult shared accommodation may work for various reasons it isn't an environment for children to spend extended lengths of time in. The logistics alone arent right - Bath/shower, breakfast, dinner, using the toilet. The other occupants are essentially strangers to the children and whilst they may be completely upstanding people I wouldn't want to subject the children to that for long periods. We all have reasons for the accommodation that we find ourselves in but I wouldn't say you are unreasonable in what you are saying at all.

Thank you he seems to think I am very unreasonable, he has one room then everything else is shared, this is his friends house but he rents a room from him and there are two other unknown males that rent the room (as in not friends of my ex), I’m not comfortable sending my children there, also with having 3 that would go they are boys and a girl so would all need to sleep in the same room, my daughter the oldest is 9 and needs privacy.

You are totally reasonable to refuse, if he wants them overnight he needs to provide suitable accommodation and furnishings etc withoutstrangers present that couldpose a child protection risk. End of!

Exactly it’s completely inappropriate, I’m not sure how he thinks 3 kids and him should sleep in one room, that’s not to even mention the strangers. This has all come about because he only sees them twice a month. But said he would have them more and that he has offered to have them overnight but I won’t allow it, it would be one thing If he lived in a one bed flat and was giving up his room and sleeping in the living room when they are there but it’s a house share with a load of strangers.

Exact same situation, I have said no to overnights there aswell especially now with the raging pandemic. His weekends are usually spent at his mums so at least that contact still goes on.

I feel bad for him as it’s not like he has a choice but it’s not fair on the little one.

Only thing I can say always try and and suggest any alternatives of at all possible not easy being stuck in a houseshare.

I don’t feel bad for him purely because he only sees the kids twice a month. I think he is quite happy with the limited responsibility, he has previously gone a year without seeing them, I think it’s more of a case of well I would see them more but I can’t, knowing full well he can’t just to make me look like the unreasonable one, they see him more as a big brother or uncle than a father. He sees them twice a month and no contact in between

Is it within his means then to get a place for himself ?

It sounds like he is just not making the effort then, a year is absolutely taking the mic.

I get told I am the unreasonable one for not being comfortable about the house share, apparently he does not consider this an issue with the virus....

Is exhausting to be honest.

It's not even fair to the housemates, you can't have that many kids in a shared house.
People should stop acting crazy.