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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Mediation with my ex

11 replies

RepDom21 · 16/09/2020 19:40

Hello

I’m looking for peoples experiences of family mediation with an ex... what it successful? I’m due to go to mediation with my ex in the next few weeks (assuming he will agree). I’m a little nervous it will be a complete waste of money.

OP posts:

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 17/09/2020 19:01

What are you hoping to achieve from it?

FWIW I tried médiation with my ex during divorce but it was a disaster. Looking back it was absolutely the wrong thing for us due to EA and him having incredibly ridiculous expectations. We ended up in court and I got my reasonable wishes rubber stamped.

Original poster

RepDom21 · 17/09/2020 19:18

I just want to give it a go. I’m not even sure what the mediator will do because you cannot change people. I’m wanting DS dad to realise even though I’m the main parent he can still offer to help out with childcare in the school holidays.

I just wondered how others got on with mediation.

OP posts:

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 17/09/2020 20:05

What do you want him to do op? What's the current arrangement?

Sunnydaysstillhere · 17/09/2020 20:08

Went to mediation with exh. He was disputing he had anger issues and that dc had no reason to be scared of him. I may have mentioned his drink driving incident and that it had been me that reported him. He tried to attack me in front of the mediator - in a court side room.
Didn't go his way after that.

OhioOhioOhio · 17/09/2020 20:09

I went and it gave me the opportunity to see how manipulative the lying abusive bastard wss/is. If you even think you are being abused then please don't go.

Original poster

RepDom21 · 17/09/2020 20:31

@Sunnydaysstillhere

Gosh that sounds terrible!

OP posts:

Original poster

RepDom21 · 17/09/2020 20:41

So basically my ex was finically abusive. That’s not the issue here though. The problem is he speaks to me as though he is doing me a favour because up until recently he used to have DS while I go to work a couple of times a week. I work nights so technically he has him and hour and then DS sleeps... and he does the school run drop off the following morning. He has DS once a month for a full weekend.

I stopped this recently (days during week) because I felt worthless that I had enable him to have so much power and I feel like I have got myself into a rut of “I can’t live without that person”.
He has refused to do any other days because of his “busy schedule”. He said it can’t be 50/50 because we are not together.

I don’t expect him to do half at all. But throughout the pandemic he has literally just done his usual arrangements and not once offered to have DS as he’s WFM still. So all the childcare is left to me in the day time even after a night shift.

OP posts:

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 17/09/2020 21:27

Not sure mediation will get you anywhere other than frustrated. Even a court can't force him to have his kids if he doesn't want to.

Might help you get stuff off your chest though.

FelicityPike · 17/09/2020 21:34

Sadly no one (including mediators or judges) can make him have his child more than he wants to.

Original poster

RepDom21 · 18/09/2020 10:18

Yes I know I’ve thought similar. I will give it a go for at least the first joint session together and see how it goes. If we can’t resolve anything I will leave it.

OP posts:

safeordangerous · 20/09/2020 19:51

Mediation is the stage before court. You dont have to agree to anything and you can even have it done on a shuttle run basis so you arent in same room.

Its a lot cheaper than court and can be productive if attended by two reasonable people....

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