Maybe I'm being unreasonable here but I'm starting to get so annoyed with my dc's dad not sticking to arrangements of when he's having them and more so, the lack of communication. It's starting to really frustrate me and impact on my dp and the dd we have together. The older dcs are 14 and 12, so they're not babies and can do some things for themselves but they do obviously need some parental input. In an effort to keep things amicable, I've generally tried to be flexible and not be difficult for the sake of it. I feel he is starting to take me for granted and take advantage of my good nature.
The arrangements are, he has them every other weekend over night and (his idea) Monday and Friday afternoons for dinner, but not overnight. He doesn't pay me any maintenance (or he says he won't be able to afford somewhere for them to stay over) but he does give 'contributions' for expenses if I ask. It's rarely half of what I end up spending. For example, he gave me £50 towards their school uniform, shoes and trainers. The total I actually spent was £185. Because of this, I think he should stick to his commitments.
My dp generally doesn't complain but I do feel for him, in that he's starting to feel we can never plan or arrange to do something in advance because xp will let us down. This weekend (XP's normal weekend) dp said he'd like to take me and dd out for a walk or day trip and spend some time together because he often is working on weekends. But last night, xp called and said he would be dropping them back on sat because it's his birthday and he was meeting up with friends. I did know it was XP's birthday, but assumed he wasn't doing anything because he hadn't asked or previously mentioned it (bearing in mind, it's his usual weeknd). Plus, because of covid restrictions, didn't think there was much to do. I agreed, but then dp looked disappointed because the one time he suggests doing something, xp throws a spanner in the works. Xp said he 'might' have them Sunday through to Monday'depending how he feels'. He then phoned up today and apparently he had been wanting me to pick them up because he'd been drinking last night. Because I missed his call (was out shopping) When I spoke to him, I tried to get some more concrete details from him and politely said if he wants to change/swap things around, could he please make sure I know in advance and make sure I know, not just pass on message through the dcs because they never pass it on, he made out I was being unreasonable and putting him on a downer on his birthday and basically said, I should've known he'd do
This because it was his birthday (a big one) As if planning for HIS birthday is my responsibility. I had spent money so dd could get him a card and present which he didn't say thanks to me for, just moaned I didn't say happy birthday And that ds hadn't got him anything. I was going to say it when he turned up.
When I said what time are you bringing them back because we were going to go out? He made out like he would have to cut short his birthday celebrations because I was being unreasonable. I just needed to know what time so we weren't waiting in all day! Now I've had the dcs many times on my birthday. If it's my weekend to have them and it's my birthday, I just have them because I've got responsibilities as a parent! He then always makes a scene and makes out like I'm being difficult so the dcs think I don't want them and they think I shouldn't dare to plan to do anything with dp and dd when they are at their dads because they are missing out. But I do loads with them when they are with me.
Last week, he failed to pick them up on Friday avo after school which really annoyed me because I had an emergency where dd2 had an accident and I had to take her to hospital 12 miles away. I told dcs to sit tight at home and their dad would collect them for tea (as per the arrangement) my dp was working late. At 6.45 dd rings me to tell me she was hungry and her dad hadn't showed. When I finally got hold of him he just said he was 'busy and forgot' because it wasn't his weeknd. He was still supposed to get them for tea! He now says he 'doesn't always' get them on Fridays. But he never tells me if he is or he isn't. Or just randomly says he's having them an extra night to make up for not getting them. But we can never plan anything because he can change plans at the last minute. Dd is a bit of a daddy's girl and he can do no wrong in her eyes. It affects ds though because he is ASD and doesn't like his routine being changed or not knowing what is happening. It triggers him. I would never let the dcs down and do the same thing to him. I feel like saying don't see them atall because at least we'd know where we were them but I don't think that's fair either. I don't even mind if he wanted to change the odd weekend but some notice would be nice.