Telling my ex I am pregnant/ our daughter will have a sibling soon + child maintenance

[beingniceiscool11]

I'm almost 12 weeks pregnant now and getting to the point where after a scan soon I will tell my daughter the news and also her Dad who is my ex-partner.
Things have been very rocky in our communication/arrangements as despite me always making DD available for contact, he did take me to court twice in 2 years to 'get his way' when we couldn't agree on certain co-parenting things. This was very stressful for me.. dealing with him is hard as he was abusive, is very manipulative and twists things, tries to control, uses DD as a pawn etc. He still was awarded shared care as none of this can be proven clearly and as DD has gotten older, she has coped with him better and he has coped with her better and seems to have mellowed, if that makes sense.

However last year he reduced the Child Maintenance significantly to a very low level, during the court proceedings as he was angry I had told concerns to CAFCASS. He gave me 4 days notice of doing this. He hasn't reinstated our agreed amount that we always had before & has still kept it at a very low level, and it was low anyway.
I can't go through CMS as he will hide money, lies on his tax returns, and it will probably spark him to go to court again to try and get more overnights with her so he can officially pay less etc. It's not worth it.

However since my partner has been on the scene, my ex has really been "the nice guy" and very amicable and wanting to look like the good guy who 'looks after his family'... I am really struggling with the notion that my partner (as he will move in with us soon) will soon have a bigger financial commitment to rent and bills etc as my ex hardly contributes for our daughter. The older she gets the more food she needs, because of COVID she can no longer have school meals so needs lunch boxes every day, her clothes are more expensive and we are struggling as it is to afford our house due to my income really being affected by COVID and my not being eligible for any scheme of help except slightly increased benefits. To stay in this area (near her school) and rent a 3 bed so we have enough room is going to be hard as rents in this area are just skyrocketing at the moment. My ex is unaffected as he is a landlord so he is benefitting from this.

I was hoping now perhaps was a good time to appeal to his better nature and ask if he will consider increasing his contribution. What would be a good way to say this to him? / Should I just leave it ?

My partner is the bigger earner (not that he has high income) so he is happy to pay things we need when we move in together and he doesn't see my daughter as 'not his responsibility' at all, it's just for my own peace of mind I feel he shouldn't have this extra pressure, just because her own Dad gives below the bare minimum.

(Important to note: I do have our DD the majority of the time although the official title says shared care.. I buy and sort out all school clothes and shoes etc and if I send him receipts and ask him he will pay half that amount as well.. but just the general cost of living in this area and food is the thing that is the biggest struggle every month and needs more of a contribution to)

You can ask but he might say, why do you need a 3 bed, baby is in with you for the first year anyway and then couldn’t they share ( not that I agree on this, just pointing it out). I think though it wise for you to ask him before you mention being pregnant etc but in a way where you say “I’m really struggling to get her proportion of household food, plus cleaning items etc for x per week, even if you give me x more it would make things more comfortable. I’m worried about having to move and therefore move her school if I can’t work out a cheaper way to do things or make more income in”

I suspect he would say the 3rd bedroom is not for his child...

If he's been such an arse for so long I don't think you'll get anywhere with "I need more money for our daughter because I decided to have another child and need more space."

Personally I'd not do anything to rock the boat right now since from his past behaviour he's unlikely to be reasonable as it is. In fact I'd be bracing myself for issues.

The issue is not with needing the 3rd bedroom really... we just are lucky to happen to have on here. Although I have been barely able to afford the rent. It's that he has been underpaying for years & I now have the courage to ask again for him to be more reasonable I guess...
Even a 2 bed with a garden (which is hopefully what he'd want for his daughter being her main house.. to have a garden instead of be in a flat) is expensive in this area. I have been overextending myself because he's been underpaying and always on the brink of not being able to pay bills etc...no savings for emergency things like car needing work, can't pay for certain things DD needs .. again because we are in a rural area and jobs or well paying jobs aren't that easy to come by. I have been building a business myself part-time but corona put a stop to that.
We live in one of those area in the countryside (where I grew up, hence why we moved here) that people have flocked to from London and the prices have gone up hugely. Yet jobs haven't. My earning potential is also significantly less that his because I had our DD when I was 24 and he was 39. I had pretty much just started my first job after uni when he proposed to me, and said he wanted a baby with me... etc etc. When he became abusive and I left, he said if I left him I was choosing a life of being a single Mum in a council house. He uses money to control.
Even if I wasn't having another baby I think I would need to ask for more contribution from him to be able to stay in this area realistically. Rent review coming up etc and looking around at what else is available to rent around here is scary.....
I also feel it's not fair on my new partner to pick up the slack because DD's Dad pays so little. Would this not appeal to his nature to 'be the better man' ?