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Original poster

Father Only Wants one child at a time for overnights

15 replies

Cassie85 · 31/08/2020 23:53

I have a one year old and a two year old. Their father lives with his parents in a four bedroom house.

However he is trying to play the system and say that he is unable to have his children as ‘there’s no space’ so he will get a council house despite him having a full time job.

So far he has only ever had my two year old overnight but I fee now that he has to start treating them equally.

He wants to have them both, but for me to go and pick one up at 5/6ish and leave the other for overnights. This just seems horrible to me, and I’ve to be the bad guy taking one away from daddies and leaving the other.

Only other alternative is for him to have one all weekend and take turn about.

The whole thing is ludicrous to me and I just don’t know how to handle it. Advice would be great.

OP posts:
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BluebellsGreenbells · 31/08/2020 23:56

Sorry but he’s got two kids. He doesn’t get to play favorites!

He takes both. Both.

Gives you a break and get refreshed.

Either he’s incapable or it’s a control of your time.

sitckmansladylove · 31/08/2020 23:58

I would take proper advice. He is being ridiculous.

slipperywhensparticus · 31/08/2020 23:58

nope its all or nothing

Original poster
Cassie85 · 31/08/2020 23:59

Thank you. This is how I feel.

I suffer from PND and PTSD and I’m really struggling and have told him this. The excuses I’ve had are, there’s no space for a travel cot, my daughters not ready at 15 months and it’s not fair to his parents is she is unsettled and wakes them in the night.

Should I say he can’t see them until he has them both?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cassie85 · 01/09/2020 00:01

We have been to solicitors before and things have been messy since I was pregnant the first time. I’m just tired and want it al sorted and for him to either be reliable or piss off.

I’m going to speak to a solicitor in the morning but as you probably know, sometimes these exes make you doubt yourself.

OP posts:
Tigerty · 01/09/2020 00:01

Nope, that’s not in the best interest of your DC and you’re right your DC will remember you dropping one off and taking the other away. Both or nothing.

netflixismysidehustle · 02/09/2020 23:56

It will damage the sibling relationship if you do as he says.

He's clearly trying to control you/ perhaps a tactic to make sure you can't go out and date again or have fun with your friends?

Thebookswereherfriends · 03/09/2020 00:06

If he can't manage both overnight then he doesn't have either overnight. He can have them both for day visits until he decides he can manage them both for overnights.

Tyersal · 03/09/2020 10:15

If he lives at his parents maybe that's why? Maybe both is too much for them in one go? Whilst there are 4 bedrooms maybe one is used as something else

thefourgp · 03/09/2020 10:19

Nope, my ex tried to get just the eldest (youngest is autistic and more work) and I refused. It’s both or nothing. It would be incredibly hurtful and hurtful for them both.

BluebellsGreenbells · 03/09/2020 10:25

If he lives at his parents maybe that's why? Maybe both is too much for them in one go? Whilst there are 4 bedrooms maybe one is used as something else

So three adults can’t manage two kids, the rooms are irrelevant, yet op can manage on her own?

What utter crap!

Tyersal · 03/09/2020 19:03

@bluebellsgreenbells depends how old the parents are and the state of their health, potentially not. Potentially they don't want to

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 03/09/2020 19:54

Well yes, that's the parents business I guess but the point is this man is both children's father and needs to put their interests above any others. If his parents can't cope he needs to look for somewhere else to live, or he needs to accept that he can't just have one for overnight.

It seems vastly more likely that he is the issue, and that he either finds it easier just dealing with one at a time, or wants to stop OP having any child free time, or both. But its tough shit because he is their father and needs to step up or shut up.

Inkpaperstars · 03/09/2020 20:09

Four bedroom house gives him plenty of space. More than enough.

Ridiculous as you say OP.

Is there any backstory with his parents and their health or cooperation?
Could he rent privately? Even a decent size one bed would work while the dc are so young. I have a friend who lived with her DH and 2 kids in a one bed for years, full time not as visits.

He needs to shape up fast.

bluebluezoo · 03/09/2020 20:14

However he is trying to play the system and say that he is unable to have his children as ‘there’s no space’ so he will get a council house despite him having a full time job

My understanding of this situation is that he will only be housed as a single man. As in way, way, way down at the bottom if the housing list.

The children are considered housed, with you as RP. Unless that changes and he becomes RP with main care the council will not provide a house for him that has room for the kids.

He may want to seek advice on that one.

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