Lone working parents - are you more relaxed about parenting?

[mallowa]

Just wondered if any lone working parents (by this I mean not co-parenting - ie having your child 100% of the time without much involvement from the other parent) feel like you are more relaxed about certain things compared to other parents?

For example I have to work a lot of the time, especially at this time without any school etc this means we probably have more screen time than I would like. Also things like cooking from scratch - I'm not able to do this very often, so we will often eat very simple food (plain veg) and freezer foods more than I would like. I probably can't oversee what my child is doing as much as other parents, for example, watching too much youtube or similar.

I also don't bath my child every single day and bedtime is often later than I would like, especially at the moment during lockdown. I occasionally swear in front of him but don't beat myself up about it like some people do.

If I fretted over everything too much I think it would send me mad. I sometimes wonder if I am being a bad parent.

The thing is I don't get time away from my son and also have to juggle my household, earning money and job, as well as childcare, food etc. etc. This means there are simply not always the hours in the day to manage to do everything to the standard that other families seem to attain.

I get the impression other people look down their nose at me or judge me but for the want of a sane life I have to let my standards slip a bit sometimes for the sake of my sanity and can't always have the perfect house / work / life balance (although I may have days where everything is perfect). I should probably add that my son is intelligent, healthy happy, loved and well behaved, so he doesn't seem to have suffered as a result of all of this.

Just wondered if other people in a similar boat are the same, or more authoritarian as a lone parent and had any views on it all.

i could have written that OP, you are not alone!

i literally juggle work/childcare/kids/screens etc - its life but we are all happy

cooking from scratch happens mabey once or twice every other week. Sadly! but we eat veg, exercise and live

Sounds like my house. Almost exactly in fact. Ex likes to talk about 'Co parenting' but sporadic weekends here and there really don't count as 'parenting'. I wish I had time to plan and make delicious home cooked food but we walk through the door about 5-5.30 some nights so it's pasta, or freezer stuff plus veg etc. I do cook at weekends but no, your household sounds pretty normal to many, single or not, parents.

MDD could have written your post. She and MDGS are an extremely contented unit of 2 but she knows what to let slide and what's important. Her biggest concerns though usually revolve around making the 'right' decisions in life as she feels solely responsible for the outcomes - we support her emotionally as much as we can but she always feels the buck stops with her. She is doing a brilliant job by the way and it sounds as though you are too.

As the lone parent of an older DD (16) I have been there, but like you good behaviour was expected, but she needed to amuse herself a bit and be fairly self reliant.
At 16 she values hard work has worked this summer and has got a Saturday job for sixth form, she can cook a simple meal, put a load of washing on, iron a garment, hang out washing etc. I have friends who are married with DC going to uni shortly who can do none of these things.
My conclusion is that my slightly more relaxed style of parenting in earlier years has produced an individual more able to care for herself in the adult world.

thank you everyone, it is good to know I am not alone in this! I sometimes feel like I'm not putting in enough effort because other people look down on me (this may be in my head!) but I think I need new friends. I really struggle with the social side of mingling with other parents and kids, they seem to have completely different values / attitudes to what's appropriate vs myself, I am really trying to keep my head above water. I try to remind myself that as a lone parent with no financial and little practical support I am maintaining a clean house most of the time, running a business and my son is healthy and happy. I don't have the support or budgets of other people so in the scheme of things am doing very well, probably in some cases comparatively doing more than them.

I don't see the point in running myself into the ground trying to uphold some mythical parenting standards that are unattainable. I am always trying to find ways to improve though.

I wouldn't say I'm relaxed. It's more that I've given up.
My dc's have ready meals all the time. They're fussy and I'm time poor. I eat really well but they hate it and I don't have the energy to battle with them.

I think I’m more relaxed about some things and no others, the key is that I don’t have to do things just to be in line with a partner and so it really is my choice what I do/don’t care about. I personally think I’m more relaxed when I’m meeting friends, but I think it’s because I don’t get adult conversation at home and so I don’t want to spend the whole time I’m talking to them fussing over my DS.

I am very similar (occasional weekends where he does nothing with her doesn’t count as co parenting in my eyes) so it’s just me and her juggling life. I approach it very like you; I expect good behaviour and kindness but I am very relaxed about a lot of things. She gets fab reports at school and has lots of friends so I feel I am doing something right and I am keeping my sanity.

I could have written all of the above. Great to hear I am not the only one trying to juggle work, being single parent and maintaining a clean home! I always think about what she will eat and whether it’s nutritional enough etc. In the end of the day we are happy and that’s what matters.